Consolidation=)

Took the long bus back from expo today, actually wanted to sleep but ended up keep waking up. Oks lah, did get some sleep...haha...This entry wont be so unreadable like the previous entries, sorry about it, but I had to write in such a manner. In any case, I did do some thinking as well as some time travelling, I meant checking with the past...lolz

Sometimes, it feels rather alien to me that I wasn't really affected by certain emotions anymore or should I say, certain events. In the not too distant past, I would get rather affected by them, even though situation about the same, though definitely the emotions weren't. Maybe I had re-configure myself to the extent that I don't allow myself to emo more than a certain time period le. Or maybe it could be fengshui=P. I think sub-consciously, I told myself to be less reliant on others, I remembered that in the past, during the dark ages, I told myself that I am going to change. I told myself that whatever happens in the future, I am going to take it. I restricted myself from thinking too much, I restricted myself from being too irrational, I forced myself to be more confident. And I think that made me to who I am today, someone with some various forms of masks, someone that tries to believe in a given set of values. I feel thats what the dark ages had given me, some times, I think I am rather lucky in the sense that I didn't lose myself during that time. Often, I read back the previous posts, there were so many times when I almost lose myself in the various processes. Thats why, I feel that if someone has the determination to change, it is possible. Just like in fengshui, where there is mankind luck, the luck which is ultimately depends on man. It is said that sometimes mankind luck will be so strong that heaven luck ( in a sense predetermined destiny) can also be altered. I changed something in the past that was predicted, thats why I strongly believe that if one has a strong enough determination, its possible but it is also dependent on the surroundings around him.

*sigh*...I think I had kinda of emptied my thoughts liao. I think this is somewhat like my pensieve. You know, in Harry Potter, where dumbledore always take out his memories and put them into the pensieve. Of course, my blog here is not so organised like dumbledore's where he can sort out the memories properly=P. I don't think in a rather fixed procedures, its more like a brownian motion, which is....yeah..random. haha