This year, she didn't wish me birthday on the 28th. I knew that given her circumstances, she most probably won't be able to. I know that no matter where she is, she will somehow contact me, to let me knw that she is still alive and well somewhere. I already knew she is hardly at home anymore, but as long as she is safe and well, I dont ask for anything more. Somehow, I knew that this year will be different, no sms or anything, I kinda expected it. And, no I am not unhappy or angry about it, I think it has reach to a level, where if u can reply me, even a sentence, I see that u are still using whatsapp, and I will be contented knowing that u are safe and alive.
She did had a blog entry for me to read, and luckily I read today and not yesterday, not very nice to be a bit emotional on your birthday right?..haha. She posted the entry just after midnight, same time when I was trying to get adeline to sing me a birthday song over the phone. Everytime, I thought and think through about our lives, all the way back to 2006 late april where we officially started as friends,yes it has been a long 6 years, how we evolve through time. How we gradually accepted the fact that it is not possible for us to meet whenever we need each other, how we are really grateful for how little time we have each other, be it 20 mins or an hour, I am truly am grateful for it.
Unlike ly, I cannot eliminate friends from my circle. I did thought of it before, but I can't. I used to think that I am giving too much in this friendship, and all I get back are just..well..not as much as I thought it should be. Its really damn painful at first, but as time goes on, as I grew older. I learnt that when you really truly cared about someone, its not something that is measurable anymore. I don't expect anything anymore, as long as you are happy and safe, I will be contented. I still care as much as the day when I rushed down to NYJC on 2006, to see her crying in front of me, and all I wanted to was to tell her that everything will be alright, how depressing for me to see you like this.
She is not a typical person like most of the people I know and have talked to in depth. Her life is not a very smooth sailing one, but she has always pull through no matter what the odds are, and one of the reasons, why I had always respected her for that. To say the truth, I also dunno what I can bring to her life. All I know is just to be there for her whenever she needs me, be it spiritually or in person.
I am not entirely surprised to know that again she had disappeared away from my life, its just her, I can't change her. All along she is that kind of person, every now and then, periodically,she will pop in and after awhile she will be gone again.
That is because from then on I know when I sit alone.
There will be someone wishing the best for me.
There will be someone that will listen and come downstairs.
That I will never be truely alone anymore.
This is an excerpt from the entry. And yes, as we kept walking and living on this earth, as we move on to other stages of life, moving on to different worlds with different lifestyles and people that we will meet , we both know the fact that no matter how life hit us hard, so hard that it seems that there is no one in this world that believe in us, there will be someone that is always there, just a phone call away as always=)
And, yes, we had made it...we both had work hard on it, lets keep on moving and recovering from whatever setbacks we had both suffered individually over the years. I will always be here whenever you need me, as usual, Samantha. =)
So, do take care of yourself, and I also hope that you will be happy and well. Do contact me whenever you can, yeah?=)
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