Have you ever wondered about Dreams? Your desires? To ever want or to achieve something? Its not those like " Hey I want a Ferrari." kind if thing or a " I want to be a millionaire!", oks not that show as well. However its more of a deeper desire, the calling or something that will make you lose track of time, and you find the meaning in doing so.
What's mine you may ask? To say the truth, I don't really know. I mean yeah ultimately, I want to be free from financial issues, to have a partner, to stay in a condo or smthg. But I feel that for some reason, there is this feeling of being well kinda lost. And I guess that's pretty normal for a lot of people.
Interestingly, I do have a current goal. And I think its partly due to my younger brother taunting at me. Its something about my fitness and figure. So, maybe that's something that I want to work towards.
You know it just kinda hit me that I am not contented, its like I am not contented to be at home, I want to head out. However, when I am out, I am not contented because I have to spend money. I am not contented because I am alone. Especially when these days weekends are really precious. I am not contented because I cannot travel due again to lack of money. I am not contented because I have to work for money, why must I work/slog to earn those pieces of papers. I read in a lot of new age thinkings about being contentment. Its not like contentment, means not striving for more, but rather its to continue to strive but at the same time, now whatever we have is enough.
And then the next logical step is to start comparing between people, and why some can achieve so much? and yet I am no where near that or that I felt pathetic compared. Ah yes...the ever strangle of comparison. As I was telling Joey yesterday night, yeah these friends are people we can look up to. However, we don't have to be like them or follow their path. As I believe that every one have a role to play on this planet, and to really be happy or successful, is to fulfill that role. Some may be just housewives, some a strong career woman, some just a coffee barista and some are teachers. However, due to current circumstances and societal mindsets/brainwashing, we all veer away from our roles. Definitely, we will not know what's our roles, but I think as long as we make decisions and live our life to what we want, then eventually we will know them. Even so, we will have to work hard to believe in it.
Positivity.
life may be boring, not going well, hurting, suffering, cold, unfair treatment, humiliation, neglected and being unloved. But I realise that if we are able to just turn around, and smile, life became more bearable and then suddenly a beam of light is shown upon your life. Hopes are rekindled.
Sorry for the super messy post, as now, my mind is also feeling a little messy. I am like a conundrum of emotions, rationality and quotations. For I am not the same Eugene, most knew me from a year ago. I came to understand more of my limitations, weaknesses and at the same time, I feel that I am more true and I hide less from my friends. I began to appreciate a lot of things in life, as well as, I began to understand a little more about relationships and the intricacies that works between two people. And I began to let go,demand and control less of my life.
“It is never too late or too soon. It is when it is supposed to be.”
― Mitch Albom, The Time Keeper
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