Yesterday met up with Adeline for dinner. Had standing sushi bar lor..actually was a bit sianz of sashimi because just had a buffet at ikoi last sunday. After dinner, so then we took a walk towards Raffles City and Marina Square searching for a knee strap as her knee seems to be hurting. After that, we walk and stopped at the Float there. So, decided to had another heart to heart talk with her. I know its a bit getting boring since every time we go out, seems to end up with some HTHT. I guess this will be the last one in my opinion, there will be no more discussion about our past relationship already. In the future, maybe will be more like a Zhenni(2009) kind of relationship I guess.
So, I checked in with her how she is feeling over the past week, she says its ok. I asked her is she Happier now. She just shrugs her shoulders. After I told her what I went through and thought through, she told me that just after that day, another guy went to in a way confess to her also. However, after she told him she decided to get along with the other guy, he all in and he said things like this is the last time he will do these and that for her. I asked her whether did I say such things? I can't really remember what I said. She said I didn't. So the next day, she took the day off because all of a sudden, she felt that 2 guys suddenly disappeared from her life. I looked at her, and then I say I told you so a long time ago already. Just like so many things, all these will happen de. And why didn't you listen to me. I shake my head and sighed. She always believe in platonic friendships, I told her I believe too. However, I say the way you handle is really wrong. I told her that if a guy really interested in you, and entrusts his feelings to you because he likes you then you are responsible for those feelings. If you know no hope, then put an end to it before he confess, don't lead him on and assume that everything will run its own course. And that not every guy will say oks, you reject me and we will still be friends. I told her all these before. She says now than she realise. I was like...all these could have been avoided and you still can maintain friendships and that I wouldn't have to suffer what I went through. I told her...you really in a way destroy both of us. She lost a friend whom she feels that she could have good heart to heart talks with, and she lost my trust in her as a person. I told her that I can still talk to her in person and hang around her, but if ever she wants to get back with me, I told her...at least for the short term, I could never accept her again. For I lost my trust in her as a close friend, I said that once you betray my trust, it will take some time for me to trust you again. Of course, through out the conversation, she hardly say much just want to listen. I told her thats quite an irritating thing because I have to guess what you are thinking again or whatsoever.
She says she is not dumb and know such things. I looked at her and say that yeah I know that you are not dumb because if you are, I won't even go after you le. But to me, the thing is you know about things however, you chose to still let it carry on. Everytime, you chose to run away and not face the problem, thats why everytime I have to bring up the facts in front of you. Because I want you to decide , even if it means causing me hurt. Either way someone will get hurt, its the way of life. I told her the real reason why I hate her so much, because she allowed the other guys to get closer to her while we are still together. She says she thought they were friends capacity, I say yes you can think of that. But then why did you put yourself in a position where you let the other guy be close to you and go after you then? Thats why I said , I can handle a broken heart but you made me lost a part of my soul. The soul that believes in trusting you a lot, trust you that you won't hurt me. I said thats why I am feeling so much pain. I told her please don't ever do that to anyone again, whether its her next relationship or not. Its really like a betrayal, I told her what if its the other way round? How will you feel? I said that it was really no joke, going through whatever I gone through. I told her I cannot guarantee that I will still be part of her life and all, maybe once my time is over with her, I will disappear as well. It may be tomorrow or in the future that we may drift apart. I said that however, as Sam and me have proven, it is still possible. Sam and me went through a lot to still carry on having this special relationship that we both cherished so much. Adeline said that she finally accept that people come and goes in life, I smiled and said that yeah I knew that since J1 le. I gave her some examples and said that sometimes, people do come back de. So, don't feel so bad about it . To end it off, I told her that I hope she manage to learn some stuff from me as much as I learned from her.
At the end, I said lets go back home bah..and along the way I told her I sincerely hope you made the right choice. She says the guy is even more immature than her, I said I hope he will eventually grow up because I hear and seen enough broken relationships that couldn't last because of such immaturities. I said ultimately, this relationship will takes its toll on you. I also said that I secretly hoped that she will come back to me in the future. But, I don't know whether it will happen or not.
Along the way back home, there were a lot of physical touching. Rather they were initiated by me, I grab her hand and drag her around. Teased her about going to another train station. Putting my arms around her and playing with her hair. Once reach her home, I ask her whether she is ok with everything like if I still do those physical things with her, she says after I do than ask her. I laughed and say..yeah thats quite true. She didn't really give me a proper answer.
As I left her house and walked back, I thought to myself. Well thats that. I don't really know what else is install for me and her, that I will leave it up to god or whoever is up there. I feel that what I want to tell her about us, I did already, what I want her to know, I also told her already. Have I played my part in her life already? Is it time for me to disappear?
I don't really have a clear answer for that.
Along the way back, I messaged her a little. Replies were not much, just simple replies. Along the way back, I closed my eyes. I try to ask my soul whether do we still have some form of fate together. It felt very faint, not unlike the strong feeling that I had with Samantha in the past. Then I knew that for some reason or rather, I knew that Samantha will still continue to play an important role in my life.And, she still is. For Adeline, I really do not know, I guess that in a way, she also let me go already. I don't really know whether she still want me as a friend or will she thinks that I am way better off without her, she always say she don't want to think. But, in the end, she is the one that think too much.
On my side, I think I will still remain in contact with her, because like I always say , she is someone that I care a lot for. Even if she don't think about me, I still do think about her. And that as long as I know she is happy, I will be comforted as well.
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