Identity

Today was a rather tiring day at work, although the walk-ins are considerably lesser than the on monday, but still sufficient enough to cause my voice to turn hoarse. Rachel reminded me just now about it, and I also kinda zao sia when I made a call for a password as well. Today left early for an interview with Westpac bank.

Reached the place, and the hiring manager who is Shin, seems to be a damn fast pace guy. Maybe because he was from Barclays Capital as an Investment Banker. The way he sit got a bit of attitude de, like he knows he is the boss and I am the interviewee who is needing a job. He always like damn chop chop...he asks little questions and he just set down and straight away start asking the question like " Why are you here today?" ...

You can say that I was quite taken aback, because usually there is a build up, but this time its just..bang...go now start. I felt that my opening could be a whole lot better. Like stating the reason why Westpac and all. But, I first plunge in straight to why I want this job. On hindsight, it seems that I could have done a whole lot better. Even the agent thought that the interview was like damn fast. 17 minutes and over le. He kept asking like how do I want to stand out? How do I want to achieve those leadership positions that I want in 5 years time? He asked like how are you going to reach that? I guess in a way, I felt rather noob. Because I never really thought clearly about these things. I knew that I want to reach there, but I never thought about the How.

So I replied that during meetings and discussions, I will feedback ideas and comments so that to show that I can value add to the team. And naturally, performance will be the key and for trainings, will try to acclimatised to the job faster. And for a moment, there was this mental image. It came into my mind just as I said those words, I saw myself seating in the discussion area and actively participating in the discussion. I saw myself that there is a team that I can be part of and do well. I don't really understand why I suddenly saw that mental image. I began to feel more confident and that somehow I took a  peek into the future. That is something that I can identify myself with. And I became enthusiastic about the future for some reason.

I felt liberated for some reason. Its like this interview helps me to see a potential career path that I want to have. To climb the corporate ladder, to reach a supervisory position, to have a team that can be outstanding in every way. Its like as the more interviews that I went, today is my 12th, I began to truly identify with traits and hopes with myself. And standard questions like what are my strengths or weaknesses became very part of me. Somethings that I had said day in and day out during interviews, I began to see what I truly stand for. There is really no lying in interviews, just that hide the bad and sell the good. And as long as I know myself well, the confidence will come out and those interviews won't be so difficult to go to. Unless its those technical terms and tests, then that will be quite a challenge.

For some reason, I am not worried. I am not worried about the end of interviews anymore. I am not worried why am I still not in a permanent job. I felt that I did my best and that's it. I felt that I understand myself better for some reason, hmm...I don't really know how to explain or put it into words. Its like confidence, maybe? Like I feel that someone out there will appreciate me, and want me to be part of their organisation, and that I got to have faith that it will come. Like in Harry Potter, its not you that chooses the wand, its the wand that choose you. Similarly, its like jobs I reckon.