She asked me " whether I got anything to ask her?" I thought for awhile and realised that some of my questions are just purely emotion based questions which I felt that eventually there isn't any point in asking. I told her that in the past, I have a lot of questions to ask her, and now she told me everything as well. I told her that my ultimate question I want to ask, she also knows about it, and she said that she couldn't accept me now. I told her I know that. Looking at RWS, I told her that in the past, I am always asking her to do things. To buy presents, to be present on Valentine's day. She told me that actually on valentine's day, one of the guys actually asked her out. But, she reject him cuz of me. She told me that she had written a card to me, but eventually she didn't have the courage to pass to me. I told her it doesn't matter anymore. Those were already in the past. I told her that I am not going to ask her to do things or questions anymore, I told her that she will tell me when she feels like it. Like about the guys, she told me frankly. Like back in the past, when I was angry and she held my hands and hug me of her own accord. I said that I will be looking at those things, I told her that I promise samantha that I will not put myself in a situation where she is not sure whether want to be with me. I will only be with her again only if she is sure that she can see herself with me. While we were together, there have been too many times where I kept asking things from her that it makes me feel sick and sad. I also told her about the letter I wrote to her which Sam is keeping now.
I said that at this present moment, I still love her a lot. Everyday, I am thinking about her. How she is doing. I told her that I was angry when one night cuz she was emo and drank a lot that she didnt tell me she was backed home. I made it clear that I was really disappointed with her. I knew that she like Sam always disappear away from the world whenever bad things happen. I told her I understand that, but I said that there will always be people who cares for you, if were to disappear, please let these people know. For life is not always just only you. I said that I have no idea whether I will still like her. Be it tomorrow or in the future, but as of now, everyday I wake up, she is on my mind. And that for now its not going to change.
I also told her about my friends how they helped me through this times, I told her that if we get together, I would want her to meet them. Because they are my core friends in my life, they are the ones that shaped me as a person. I also told her that I want to show her my own lifestyle, like how I like to sit down somewhere and chit chat. To me, there is a connection between us at this point of time, and thats what I am trying to achieve. So I told her to see really take the effort to know me as a man. To really understand me as much as I understand her.
I told her that in the past she says that I am childish and that she prefer mature guys. I always say you don't know me enough. In the past few weeks, she felt that I am definitely more mature and steady then she had expected. I told her this is how I handle relationships and friendships, I told her that when I love someone, that someone will usually be placed ahead of me. I believe that being young and mature at the same time is possible de.
We also talked a little about feelings, I told her that I feel that she have feelings for me, its just that its not as strong as mine. I told her that I still continue to believe that feelings can be nurtured. So, to end it of, we kinda agree to meet every week at least once. I don't know when will we able to be together or not, but I guess for now, my intuition tells me that whatever I had did, this is the right way. Whether its the road less approved a not, I had already trodded on for awhile. As long as I keep my reference points with me, I should be fine.
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