Closure

Everything finally ended. I am happy that I chose the path and decisions that I take at the end of the day. And finally, her feelings won everything else in the end. It was close, but to me, the defining moment is she is willing to do something for the other guy but not for me. And to me, that says a lot. Its like more of a right person but wrong timing situation. And in the end, I belonged to the category where for some girls is " This is the best guy I ever had a chance with but I let him go". We cried together and everything was out in the open. We talked about our feelings for each other, I asked all the questions that I wanted to ask, I couldn't accept the fact that how can she be with someone else whom she is so sure she is not happy with and at the same time can tell me that she is so much happier with me. However, this is not the first time I ever heard of such things. Samantha told me before as well when Pat was after her. It really make my heart breaks when I hear this. For I thought if you love someone, you will naturally want to be happy with that person. But, I guess in all relationships, these things will always happen. And being a cancer, she also have this feeling that she wants to take care of him. Whereas with me, its the other way round, I am taking care of her. That's why I asked her, what you really want? Someone to take care of you or You want to take care of someone? She tells me she wants someone to take care of her. Deep down, I am thinking...no, its the other way round, for if not, you would have accepted me. Its the same with samantha, she is always in r/s where she is taking care of the other party. I don't really know anymore. Its not for me to ponder anyways. 

Although she never really accept that guy, but she is sure, if he asks again, she will accept it. I told her to decide and think it through before she accept, because being together, there are a lot more stuff then just pure feelings aside. We said that should she get together with him and she is not happy, and if I am bastard enough to still go after her,she will jump back to me. I said that I am really considering that possibility. But I can see that at the end of the day I am still waiting. And I told her, I don't have the capacity to do that anymore. I have nothing more to give to her. 

I guess from a positive pov, I am happy that I am able to make her happier and that I can be the reason behind her being happy. I am grateful for the fact that I had loved this person with all my heart and soul and I learnt a lot of things in life and in relationship. I am grateful that I learnt to see the best in people and i was rewarded with the same level of honesty and feelings, and to be able to know that I had not love the wrong person. 

I told her that if she wants me to be back in her life, as a friend or whatsoever, she will have to fight for me. I told her I don't have the capacity to either be a friend or do anything more for her already. She will have to decide for herself how much she wants me in her life. I am tired of everything. 

We held hands and walked for quite some time, and finally after sending her back, we hugged each other and after a very long hug, I told her this is the end. I gave her more advice on what to look out for in a r/s and I kissed her on the forehead and wish that she will be happy and be a better gf to someone else. As I walked out of the gate, I turned back and look at her for one last time, she turned as well to look at me, we smiled and I hurried her in. 

From that moment, its time to let go and carried on with my life. For the next time that we meet up, we will just be friends who knows each other very well.