Yesterday, went for a dinner with Adeline. Had a good meal before taking a walk around vivocity, I tried putting my hands around her and tried to hold her hands. She rejected me over holding hands. I wanted to bring her to Wine Company to drink, but ended up with no space. So we sat outside the boardwalk and enjoyed the breeze. Thats when I asked her what I had asked Samantha for many times in the past. The question that I thought I would never ever ask again. I asked " How do you see me as a person?". I said please say more other vocabulary besides being a good guy. She still says that I am a very good guy. I told her that sometimes I wonder whether I should carry on being such a good person because of the underlying pain that comes with it. She asked me what I meant. I smiled and said that she would never understand it because she has never been at my position before. She kept asking me to say. So I started.
I told her about my insomnia during march, how little sleep I slept during the first week, the pain and negative feelings that I felt during those time, the torture of in the morning and night, the abrupt waking up in the early mornings. I told her that I almost fainted during work as all the sleep debts fall back on me. I told her that after the 3rd week, I began to consolidate and I decided to still in a way not give her up. She teared a little. I told her that I know what are the rumours in GST because I have a friend there, she didn't know about the rumours. She finally came clean about the 2 guys that is now chasing after her. She told me about which guy is it, and I was right about one of them. She told me that with one of them, definitely have no more chance, because she feels that she kept pushing his hints away. The other she felt pressured because the other was quite aggressive and they ended up always quarrelling as a result. She feels that she is not ready to commit. I told her that if she eventually liked any of them, I hope that she can finally made up her mind and be with them. Because I felt that she always is confuse and that if one day, she can finally decide, I will be really happy for her as its like finally she decides her happiness. I said that when she wanted to break with me, I was a bit happy because she finally decided. She replied that even now she is confused and wondered whether she made the right choice. I told her that if she feels that non of them have a chance, then its time that she draw the line with both of them.
She then says that she feels more happier and comfortable with me than the other two. I smiled and said that now thats a good sign. I told her she is someone that can never handle pressure. Thats why I told her that I have no intention of pressuring her. She told me that I am the only one that can tell when she is stoning and when she is really thinking. She says I too high level already. She feels that I knew more about her than herself. Again, I just smiled and said that's pretty true. She told me that she appreciated the fact that I kept sending her encouraging messages and telling her that I am always here for her during these past few days because she was down.
Again she reiterated that why guys want more. I laughed and told her that ever since god created guys and girls this will always be a problem. I told her that I too believed that a guy and a girl can have a platonic relationship. Just like me and samantha. I brought back a lot of instances when we were together and explained how I see things. Then I told her that not many guys or rather most guys cannot accept the fact. I told her that if friends, one can see the difference de. I quoted her some examples. So, I again told her that if no go, den just draw the line.
Then I talked to her about why I am still here and still in a way interested in her. I told her that this is a way that normally no one will take. I told her that in the past, Sam pushed me away after the rejection for a period of time and now, I want to prove that actually by keeping in contact, its much better for me. Adeline told me that she also believed in Sam's way. That day she decided to meet me, her friends and brain was telling her to not meet me but she very much want to see how I was coping. I told her that I am very thankful she gave me a chance to meet up, because of that I was able to follow my intuition and in a way, freed me from my insomnia. I thank her for still giving me a chance. I said that this route is probably filled with potential dangers, I told her that there will be times I want to see her and be around her like on tuesday. There will be emo bouts , there will be a deep longing for her to be around me. She said that on tuesday, if I really needed to be around her, she can reject her friend and look for me. I told her that its fine, I will settle on my own, because I don't want to always rely on her though if really emo, I will let her know. I jokingly said that I don't want sympathy votes. She retorted that she hated that idea of sympathy, and that she don't believe it.
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