You Are An ISFJ

The Nurturer You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal. A good listener, you excel at helping others in practical ways. In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music. You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for. In love, you express your emotions through actions. Taking care of someone is how you love them. And you do it well! At work, you do well in a structured environment. You complete tasks well and on time. You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist. How you see yourself: Competent, dependable, and detail oriented When other people don't get you, they see you as: Boring, dominant, and stuck in a rut

What's Your Personality Type?

Holiday!!!

This coming week will be a rather slack week for me lor...only let me see...one, two...3 working days only...haha...cool sia...ok excluding 23rd which I got standby. Xmas approaching....means my overseas trip is coming!!!!hehe...only across the johor straits lor=P....best month in NS ever sia...ahaha

MY KAI XIN GUO LEFT FOR HK LIAO..............
quite BORING MAN!!!!...
LOL=P

1 -year soldier!!

Its soon approaching the end of year liao...whew...tml I will be one year soldier liao!!!haha...one more to ORD!!!Usually year end, I always have these end of year reflection thingy. Realised that last year I didnt have it...haha cuz maybe becuz of my depression( juz enter NS leh...)...haha so ya.


Hmm...was just talking with my platoon mates the other day, or rather yesterday..then we talk quite a lot...or rather I talk bah...cuz it seems that I had smthg that I wanted to share to them. In the end, talk to them about a lot of things from relationships to life in general to FOOD....hehe...like how JY likes to put it' army can make the best of friends'. Its really true lor as we just sat down and talk about everything in the sun ok moon as it was at night.


Then like wad ben said, maybe I didn't really have the time for myself cuz book outs are precious and I go all out to use every free time as if its super important. Going out with friends, cheonging animes and playing psp games. I used to take time outs like just be all alone by myself and dont care a hoot about the world...time can pass for all I care...its juz myself so that I can think and reset myself for what I am going to do on how to look at the big picture...so that I wont like make wrong decisions as well as be more sure on wad to do lor. Thts wad I did last sunday for juz 20 minutes though short but it was..erm...how to put it...relaxing. I realised that for the past few months, I had let my emotions and feelings over-ride whatsoever rational I had as well as the bigger picture. Erm...to put it simply is that I just do whatever comes to my mind, w/o thinking lor...like i am not in control of my life...haha


maybe I should really take a step back bah....=)

Sometimes I just wonder why my life turns out in such a way... don't u think about urs as well?

I feel like nowadays I am becoming quite quick to temper..or rather how to say easily agitated lor...is it because nowadays as one grows up , one tends to expect the same or rather a certain level of standard from other people ?... or is it just me?

MUST I ALWAYS BE THE ONE DOING THESE DOING THAT...

WHY CANT IT BE YOU...

I KNOW ITS JUST YOU BUT....

AFTER SO LONG, U SHOULD KNOW HOW WORRIED I GET AT TIMES...

Don't bother about me...I am just releasing some anger only...haiz forget it bah...just forget it.

10 more days to dec. 15!!!!

then I will be a 1-year soldier liao!!!!

... 375 days to ORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Raining....sianz

I think I overspend for this month liao...shit..now muz scrimp the next month and to think I will be having a lot of leaves and my overseas trip...shucks...lol. Maybe I shouldnt have bought the PSP game liao...hmm..but what's done is done liao lor...lol...actually this week for me have been rather slack and in some way I wasted my 1.5 day leave...sianz...lol...but wadever lor. This friday is also my FTT liao!!! AHHH....hopefully can pass lor, seriously but if not, then juz retake bah. But like that I will go for my practical soon liao, won't bother waiting liao...

So far today at home, never really do anything much lah...juz playing my PSP as well as..hmm...using the Com. Anw the whole day has been raining sia...and everytime it rains I will get emo. wth.>.<>

Recently, I felt kinda bored again...so was wondering whether should I start re-studying e-maths and a-maths so to give tuition as well as to earn extra cash to pay for my driving fees lor. Then whenever I start thinking about how to get contacts as well as studying again...I lazy sia...wth...always like that de...sheesh...better change my thinking sia!!! haha but 说得容易...lol

Yesterday, dreamt of sam, which is kinda unexpected because it has already been some time since I last dreamt about her. And whenever I dream about her, its means that she is in some kind of trouble or sick lor. However this time, I felt that she was happy...but is it so...dunno lah cuz this time somehow we were playing catch and in the end couldnt find her, then I did smthg to draw her out and we had a good laugh at it. then we just sat down and chat as usual...then I wake up..hmm...wondering whether did this got anything to do with the fact that she suddenly disappeared again and I was kinda a bit angry at her for just MIA as usual...hmm...maybe lor...lol..realised that dreams are complicated stuffs...best not to be too bothered by it, if not will become like muddy again...lol...okok...better dun say so much=p

Today, I was reading my archives and realised that already 3 years had passed and so many incidents as well as events had happened in my life which had changed me to the person I am today as well as to remind me that I am already 19th !!!!! OMG!!!! haha...and of course NS. How to miss that out man! " Knock it down!!!", " FALL IN!!!!" , "£$%^&@" ...oks got a bit carried away=P....LOL...and come to think of it, I think computer or wadever games don't really appeal to me liao as long as they can waste time as well as maybe provide some adrenaline or thinking games..hmm..maybe should have gotten a DS instead.....lol...but now not enough cash liao...must Saved!!!!

To kelly oba-san, who ask her to call me uncle!! I also not that old lor=P...lol...say she slim down and now say I old!! haha...just send me the blog skin u want( codes and everything..think juz the blogskins page can liao and ur password then I do for u lor)....payment is= hmm...will tell u next time...

Remember what is ur name..that is one of the most important thing in life....in a nutshell, know who u are and never forget it.

Dont look behind, just keep it in ur memories....in a nutshell, what has happened has already happened , know about it and be better person because of it.

Sometimes as humans we cannot be entirely rational over a lot of things, take from example yesterday night...I had to admit I was in a rush I dunno why but I felt that it must be done by a certain deadline. Come to think of it, it was hasty...my fault...I assume that certain things will happened cuz of the signs but signs can be read differently...its very strange that when someone is caught within a matrix, he is unable to see the whole picture and in the past, he is able to fully analyze the entire problem but now he is in the exact same one but yet he cannot see it. At times, pride and emotions do really play a role in it. tired.

Read somewhere that sometimes its very difficult to just tell someone u miss that person or just to show signs of affection, as one fears rejection. there is a song by jay chou ' 开不了口'...it somehow truly say about why people fear it...I also got to admit it, me too am afraid about what the other party will think...is it weird? what will the outcome be?..and all this kind of stuffs. But however I believed that one day there will be someone out there or already beside u that is able to make u do that already or when one has enough courage to do it. As for being worrying about being passive a not, its nothing wrong maybe it is not the time or place yet...anw such things is truly up to the individual...so no use admiring others who are more brave or courageous to take the extra step into unchartered regions...one day for all we know u might be able to do it as well...

Satay, Drinks and.... dieting?0.o

Yesterday met up with ly and kel for supper at Seragoon gardens. in the end got to find kel who is somewhere hiding the bushes near chomp chomp...lol...then ly still want to use my name to let her fren scold cuz another eugene offended her..what de...after that we ate at chomp chomp and we order bbq chicken wings..the usual stuffs lor at chomp chomp. haha and kel whom is supposed to be on diet became the*drum rolls* RUBBISH BIN...haha...aiyah diet too much will become like that de=P...haha but frankly speaking she seems to slim down from the last time I saw her...serious lor!...haha power sia...* bet she muz be super happy if she read this*...haha..then later went to grapevine to grab some drinks...in the end, ok its not really much and kinda ex sia....hmm nect time must go to the one opposite..looks promising though...then we went home kinda late lor..which brings us to the point that if got a car, it will be so much of a convenience* so kel..u better pass this friday man!!!!!*...got half the mind to get my dad's car and send kel home cuz she stayed at amk and dun really have any direct bus liao...then next time go out with the guys can also stay out later=P...hehe doubt so lor cuz we most prob will be drinking...lol...

Friday Night Chilling!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lucky my friday was kinda relaxing, just went ti safra yishun for some waste time *in my opinion* and realised that my bowling now is quite sucky...sianz sia. hahaha...met up with justin and ben at clarke quay mrt there then we went to meet up with ah black and went to eat dinner lor. After that we met up with the jon, ren, mj, jermaine and yan cong...oh and val as well. haha....then we went to minds cafe* after walking around0.o*...we had quite a fun time lor!!! haha got this reaction game with using our hands to replicate certain movements...then every1 got theirs totally messed up...haha We also played this negotiation game and in the last game I was the ultimate winner!!!hehe with $48 million!!...ahaha this shows that I can talk my way..lol..and ren always seems to use the bargaining tool of 'basketball khakis'...haha and MJ and jermaine kept kb about they always kenna kick out of negotiations and MJ kept blaming jermaine that he make him lose.haha...we played till midnight then took a cab home and ren got to send val home lor and apparently both of them overslept on the bus and ended up taking a cab...haha waste more cash=P...in the end reached home at 1.30 and slept about 2..lol...wah hope got more to come...they said maybe they want to go zouk next friday...hmm..see how lor...running low on cash and want to get a hard disk from sitex leh...next weekend....oh and my next sunday is burned!!!!!saded=(

I told myself to avoid the holes along the road, in the end I still fell into it. But never mind, I had a similar experience before so it shouldn't be a problem. However, I can't seem to get out of the hole and the fog thickens, I questioned myself how am I going to solve this problem. Seriously I dunno, in the end events start to control me again....looks like I made another mistake again...i expected the results and the conditions to go my way...its the one that I wanted to avoid...now I am stuck...shucks...again...

I am tired....

'Auntie' came back...I think around last week or so...supposed to meet up with her de, but she never got back to me lor...WTH...now also totally dunno where she is sia. Sianz lor...what is this man...haiz but she is always like that de. Just hope that nothing serious happened to her lor...

Was watching some anime juz now, then got some episodes kinda happen before or rather how the characters react which somehow reminds me of the past. =)...haha...like how i say she was beautiful that time when I brought her to her jc drama show or smthg...and the quirky things she used to say lor. Brings back some form of fond memories man... nah buts its all in the past liao...haha yeah just being sentimental only lah...

AS Duty

Whew..seems that it has been almost a month since I last blog sia=)...cuz i had been rather busy lor, ok maybe not the initial 2 weeks but last week was man! Last week, I only had my Saturday lor...had to book in at 1930 so to prep. store and vehicle for AS. Then went to SLH later on and only sleep at 2 am and got to wake up at 5am...what the hell and in the end never really got the chance to move out due to equipment failure. The following day, finally fixed the bug and moved out...on mobile duty from 8am to 2am lor...what the ...ki xiao lor!!! although its like every hour period then drive out for 30 mins and rest the next 30 but still...its kinda tiring. And my driving not say that zai yet...mount kerb twice and zhao red light twice....engine stall once...of cuz thats over 5 days lah...but still....realised that when I am tired or juz wake up mode, cannot drive...as those incidents happened during these times lor. Overall, the AS ops really show me a lot of stuff lor like security and stuffs as well as other on site forces like the SPF and SCDF teams.


Seriously its our 1st OPS, however its rather screwed up cuz stores and personnel deployment was not that clear and good. In the end, there were lots of confusion and personnel got to rush here and there and didnt receive enough rest. Stores were last minute informed and vehicles were last minute changed duties and all...so yeah it was kinda messy and this is supposed to be the real thing man...anyway glad that it has already ended but from now on I also got frequent standby duties liao...so I can foresee more of my weekends are going to be burned sia...

For muddy birthday...

friday (26 oct.)


Ok...on friday, after bk out...went to meet up with pig to get zhenni her persent. And it was like quite stress sia, this oso can that oso can...lol...saw this inuyasha puzzle super nice sia and its like only 5 bucks. Was very tempted to buy lor in the end never cuz like puzzles a bit the too big as well as dont think she is that patient as well=P Eventually, gotten her a box and put in a bk voucher, marshmellows, growing seed, and a inuyasha fan lor. Tell u ah...thot its a bit impractical sia...but oh well...thats that. Pig still say I xi xin...haha...got meh??...Oh and also met soks and val on the mrt...they look exactly the same lor. I also met kelly with a guy at Dohby...haha its her classmate lah...lol...longyu , u believe a not?=P...hahaha. After that went outside pig's house and just chat with her and we talk about how we grow up and matured to a certain extent. LOL...a bit amusing....think simple better=P



Saturday( 27 oct.)


Morning woke up to prepare the present lor...wah...dont really knw much on how to do it...just whack lor...lol...then went down early to book the movie tickets. Thot I might have some time to get a card and all, however she came early and hoping can like drag time a bit longer...she spotted me and her friend was there as well and waved to me.(lol...suppose to be she wave lor but she was calling me..hah). Brought her to the jap. restuarant at marina sq there. the hokkaido ice cream the lor. And boy it was rather freezing but as a guy, how to show that I am cold!!!...lol...then so qiao, the place was playing SECRET the soundtrack. Lol...it was really fun lor, cuz we were making fun of each other whenever a kid cries and about a loner at the end of the resturant....oh man we are bad..lol.. had great macha ice cream as well leh..though the bill at the end was like 50++....haha but anw she also not paying. Went to get her fren's present and so we went to raffles place where I remembered ben bought his organiser as well. Then got to rush all the way back to suntec to catch the movie at 3. In the end, realised that the movie not that fantastic as we thot it to be lor. Also, we bumped into this anime exhibition at suntec, wah...we were that lucky sia....u see 2 wide-eyed ppl wandering ard and looking at the arts and at the same time feeling sucky as we cant draw them..lol...realised that yesterday I kept bumping into ppl like accidentally hitting them( muz be my mp3) lol...then she kept on forgetting abt stuffs...haha a bit siao lor. Send her all the way to pasir ris there as her fren is having a bdae buffet there...wah yesterday she really zhuan dao lor. brought her to the place then took train all the way to suntec again to meet up with my folks...wat the....hah. But yesterday was really quite fun, we at times suan each other , say super lame stuffs( like that tree=P)...haha as usual compare our families lor. So qiao yesterday was the 27th which adds up to nine and that was her fav. number. Well, at least I am glad that she enjoyed herself...thats the main importance isn't?=D

Tuesday(30th Oct.)

It was sort of a rush cuz of the nights out thingy and I haven't really made up my mind yet. In the end, didn't really want to go back home cuz doubt will have the time too anyways.So went with the guys to AMK hub to eat. Eventually, I made up my mind...went to look for a birthday cake but can only find beganwan solo the cakes and I know that she didnt really fancy that..but it wasn't much of a choice liao...suddenly panicked..scolded my self for not going back home 1st as there are some other bakeries there which had nice stuff as well and why I didn't plan it 1st and why am I so irrational...but eventually still get the cake lah...aiyah heck lor. So eventually gotten her the cake. Took a cab down to her house there, afraid that she will be late cuz still had to book in later. Ok..so i was thinking on what to do..erm...birthday song 1st, cake with candles..wah why so many candles!!! In the end, just use one lor. When she msg me that she is coming down soon, I quickly got ready the lighter and suddenly it got quite windy...man...the weather sure is not helping. Then her 5 minutes took quite awhile man...and everyone was staring at me!!! wah kao damn pai seh sia!!!! hide one corner and called her, didn't realised that her mum picked up the call and mistaken her mum for her!! wah ultimate screwed up!!!!! sort of demoralized liao...she came down then I ask her hurry up and choose a song. She wanted a cantonese song!!! haha said sorry only got chinese and english=P...haha so sang a english one lor...actually quite pai seh I kept looking everywhere except at her....ok at times lor. then ask her to make a wish and blow the candles...whew...so at last it was over man!...haha

overall I think this birthday celebration was kinda very elaborate dun u think??=P...I also never expect that I will do all this lor...but yeah its an experience bah=)

sianz....

Its kinda irritating when one cannot do something because someone else is playing lor...I mean come on lor, you can about play on weekdays and almost whole weekends liao, then everytime i want to check email, blog and chat with frenz is a no-no to like wad...maple story?get-amped?....WTF sia...at times I want to chat with sam. , or to send an email to her....then its like No...cuz someone is playing games....wat the hell...thats why sometimes I juz want to get out of the house, and be with frenz...I mean its damn sianz lor...okay watching anime is something that can keep me occupied but not like whole day watch mah.... Haiz dunno lah... sometimes being alone is much cool sia...

then yesterday, chatted with zhenni for quite awhile due to a question that she wanted to ask me. Of cuz , the question isnt really to my liking lor, wont really elaborate here... but after a while we divert to becoming super lame stuffs lor...and her birthday is approaching soon liao lor and haven gotten her present yet, and I think I might have mixed up the dates but I am sure its very near liao...lol...seriously sia, dunno why am I kind of attracted to her....then due to my reservations I am being rather confused at times. however, recently I dont really feel the same as in the past whenever I think of sam. , whenever I try to recollect the past , the times together...its a bit difficult liao....okay not difficult lah its juz the feelings not really there liao bah...haha does that means that my recovery process is about to end already?...Anw there are quite a lot of stuff to fill her up with and like nowadays there is hardly enough time lor......not help by someone who want to use the com.

This week had been a rather long week in camp sia, this week we officially turn OPS liao. So there had been rather a lot stuff to do as well as to clear some driving tests. On thursday, nearly fainted again cuz doing 300 m sprints and I push myself too hard. Nearly see the whiteness again...lucky nothing really happen...then still got standard chartered coming....sheesh. Actually, life nowadays is getting kinda boring liao....hmm...how to put it, not much anime to watch with claymore already finished. Games-wise sort of bored already or make it in a way...too old to play with=P...lol

Recently, I found a problem between my sis and her boyfriend, apparently it was a situation that some of us had already knew it will happen soon and it will just be only a matter of time lor. Hopefully, she will be ok sia.

Seriously, nowadays feeling that life is getting very sianz...its juz seems so...routine and time just kept moving past quickly as well as the weekends are now getting shorter and shorter. Thats why always want to go out de lor, like there really isnt much to look forward to in life...juz couldnt bother about it...no wonder why ben like to say that NS is like a holiday or rather a break from life....and it is seriously a total break sia!! then sometimes I feel very sianz becuz if sat never go out, feel very lonely...like bo friends the gan jue....haiyo last time in sec school also got no such problem. Now its like mus go out lor...this sucks sia must think of other things to occupy myself man.

the days just kept going......colour is changing from many colours to juz 2....black and white...sheesh emo again...

Back in seletar, life goes on....

So far for the entire week, I haven't really been doing anything much constructive lor. Just snoozing around here and there and my turning ops parade is coming soon liao on this thursday. Tml I still got my basic theory and sprinter test, so hopefully can clear both tml lor....muz pray hard sia. LOL... so muz do well tml sia, and not be afraid of the tests!!.


It has already been a week since Samantha left liao, when I book out recently. she sent me an email on how was life there and that paul had already return to singapore le. And she was a bit homesick but chatting with her on msn, I think she is should be no problemo=).


Fan er, it was pig who got a problem...aiyoh..that time really make me worry for her lor. Said that her good friend is going to overseas for operation and is really worried for him. Say that she was so tired from all the crying, met her in the morning for breakfast. Was unlike her usual self lor, a bit tad too quiet bah...so try to be a bit lame and crappy as usual...haha followed her to have our hair cut, then in the end we both look like kukus....lol...but she even worse, haha from long hair to short hair then for me I kinda felt like a...the oldies hairstyle where the front is all fold back...sia lah...weird sia.


After that, went to meet up with ben loh. was super happy to go out with him lor and found out that my life was truly kinda boring...OMG...lol.....anw it was really fun going out with him, had a great lunch and chat a lot with him=D*bro , u are the best man!* Before we went home, he told some things that I had already more or less expected it, in the past, and eventually he told me. Was happy he told me, anw it took him abt a year lor...lol...we were comparing ourselves and somehow it was during that period of time that I really able to feel that we were still kind of really got some kind of bond with each other. Then we both commented on the changes that both of us had over the past 2 years, though it seems that I changed the most lor....haha according to him. Made me think of a couple of things as usual...haha.

A new chapter begins...for everyone

On friday, I finally sent her off liao...it seems that time passes really fast all this while and all. Luckily, i didnt went too late coz I was always thinking whether should I be there leh...in the end, haha I still went because I think as a friend its much better to turn up. Anw, it was rather fun and get to know new people like her gor and yi an to a certain extent. We took some pics and as usual jojo came over and attempted to whack my head with her book and ask me to same question. " Why u so tall?" haha and still ask me why am I 190. I was like no..I am only 183 leh. lol...she never fails to envy tall people, tall doesnt necessary meant zai bball players leh* look at ren=p*. As she went into the departure hall, she cried lah. That....I kinda expected it liao...but I think this time she going overseas will be a great chance for her to see the world and experience a new culture.

I always remember last time, I couldn't find the viewing mall at the airport. And when I was a bit younger, I used to think if I ever find it with some girl or wad, then we might got a chance together. hAHA....those were the naive moments lah, when I was young...in the end, I found it myself. It wasn't as grand as I thought but I was able to see her flight from there. A blue plane, hah...one of her favourite colour.

Yesterday, I met up with ting han and had a long long chat from 10 to 2 in the early morning....wah..feels good sia to talk with ur good friend for that long. That night was all about myself, so in the near future, it should be you ah!!! haha...and dont say that I am 'old' or anything haha....and yes I am lucky to have a close friend like her but I am sure maybe u might find someone like that or even better....some one like me??=P...hahaha....jkjkjk...relaz..so next time muz meet up again sia.

here are some pics.....me and my best friend of all time, samantha * friends forever*=)

Racing against time...

For the past 2 days, I had been spending whatever time that we can find together. On Wednesday, she msg me saying that she had a quarrel with her sis. I rushed all the way back home from SDC juz to meet up with her. In the end, I ended up trying to tell her the entire Harry Potter story....and I knw I failed terribly...but hey the bk is damn long sia!!!!...We also ate ice-cream that we got from my fav. ice-cream man then after that we juz walked our usual places and haha made fun or rather some racist jokes on dogs.....haha...or rather its juz me...=P

Today, went back home as early as possible then learnt the terrible news about muz book in early.....wanted to go out with her but seems impossible lor. and also she was tired as well, didnt sleep well yesterday night it seems. So we juz talk around for 30 minutes then muz go and bk in liao...it was rather short, but well I always say that time spent with her is always worthwhile=D...We also took a few pics and at the same time, I gave her those presents liao...

Tml will be the day she will leave liao, but anw I now have finally accepted the fact that she is going overseas and that nothing will changed it....the things that I can do is to lessen her worries here as well as to support her in everything that she does...hopefully we will still be able to stay in contact=)...and will be waiting for her to come back in dec. then see wad else we can catch up on

Today went out with Sam. haha really very very long never go out with her liao...Sure its fun lor, she kept acting like some small kid like that. Haha...very funny lor....then still muz get me to teach her pool and how to cook scramble egg sia...Somehow, feel that I am really really going to miss her sia when she goes over to UK. HAha...today was quite fun, play arcade with her, time crisis 3 and we almost complete lor. Juz follow her ard to look for couples' rings for both her and paul....and the reason was super weird.

Today she said something about some orientation over the other side, I dont really agree with it but I think such orientation muz go de lor....cuz if not get left out or wadsoever is not good bah. However, to me...its still a bit too open...totally out of my values, definitely felt that its not right but like wad I said, sometimes bo bian......see personal discipline lor.

hopefully can spend the next few days with her lor...see whether we both got time bah...

Back to last year...

Recently, I have been rather emo. and I still have the cheek to call other's people blog emo..lol...the pot calling the kettle black...hahahaha.*=P kel's blog lor*....haha now its mine. Anyways, today finally cleared all my course requirements liao, so now I can wait for my military class 3 license...hehe...next stop is commercial class 3.


Almost everyday, I have been waking up and going to camp and as usual will passed by those few places. And I will always stop to think "She won't be here anymore, no use going past these places and wondering whether she is there"...For the next few days ever since last Monday, I always woke up and tell myself how many days is left only and that she is leaving already. When I cannot get the present that I wanted for her, I was so stressed and depressed that in a way ,I juz stoned at my hse the playground there. It seems that I was so into the whole "She is leaving and will never be back, How is she going to cope there?"....all these mentality that crippled me lor. It has been a very long time ever since I had been thinking about her almost every single day liao...a kinda super long loh.


Sometimes I asked myself, how come am I feeling all these emotions again..* such stuff like worry, missing someone, wanting to give her a hug and tell her not to worry, want to see her*...u know all these emotions that usually associate with liking someone or rather loving someone. Then I realized that its nothing wrong in feeling all these emotions and no, it doesnt really mean that I still treat her as someone I love. Its because she is that special friend in my life and that after last year, I treasured her a lot and cared a lot for her...as well as that because someone that always some how able to make me feel better regardless of any problems is going away.


In the end, I bought quite a number of things for her lor.... as I dun really know wad to get for her. Eventually, followed zhenni's advice(s) lor....just whacked everything lor. I think I most probably going to send her off, I don't really know what to expect, cause last time at such a situation...I see people crying especially my uncle(s) and grandparents. It was so heart-wrenching sia....and if it so suppose to be the same like that, I dont know how to face it sia....I might just totally break down. Seriously, I dont want that to happen...but see how bah...At least now I dont feel so emo liao...haha


Somehow , I always find myself going thru various emotions then in the end, its juz nothing lor...machiam go thru a roller coaster ride then it will just go back to square one. I think this shows that I truly think too much as well as worry so much. Hah...reminds me that I everytime say zhenni lor...haha...

Mixed feelings...

Today I finally passed my driving test liao....woohoo...a huge burden off my shoulders liao...lol....alright man. Supposed to be very happy de, but...upon hearing tht sam is leaving in 10 days time...haiz..it juz totally take away the entire mood lor...actually I knew that she will be leaving very soon but...it juz had to be another 10 more days...had I known the time, I would have spent more time with her....but..ya...juz feel totally sianz cuz my special fren is leaving and most prob. will be only anthr 3 months or 3 years before we can see each other again, by then both of us might changed and stuff......i mean...I am really going to missed her a lot , but I have been preparing life w/o her for awhile liao...so I dunno, should be able to cope lor...however like I said she will be like half way across the world...dun care wad abt email and stuff. When someone is not physically ard, it juz feels different.

Juz nw was chatting with her and all, I mean its always gr8 talking to her...somehow she is always able to bring out a side of me that I rarely bring out ard others as well as....well I mean really missed her lor...like hanging out and all. Was talking with her and like as always she says its has always been that its great comfort to her to knw how I was doing and wads going on in my life...and vice-versa. Also it has always been my...erm....so called responisibility to take care of her and wadever problems she might faced, as well as knowing that she is safe and happy. Now she is going to handle herself and be more independent than the past as well as getting used to the new enviroment...so now my so called help to her is only restricted to web cams, mails and the net....but I think thats life right ? I mean ppl come and go and those that are dearest to u....will leave u one day...of cuz I knw that we both will never forget each other after the times that we went thru' .

Like her , I am afraid that after these 3 years, she will come back a totally different person. Of cuz , who isnt afraid sia....but I think to me, no matter who she becomes in the future, she will always be my special fren, 1 of the most important persons in my life. Also, I have complete faith in her that wadever person she changes to, will be a much better one=)

Val's Birthday

Yesterday had been a very bz day for me lor...lol....morning had driving then after that straight away got to rush to meet ah li to pass him the SGX info. brochure as well as to juz share a bit with him about the investment portfolio and stuffs lor. As well as to get an update on how the platoon is doing....sia lah its nt very nice sia...wah.....dunno wad will happened to us when we go back after jeep course sia...Ard 3 rushed down to sim lim square to meet wth ah boon and his cousin to get his PSP....after awhile he finally gotten his PSP...lol...he a bit heart-pain lor but got his PSP liao....so after that a bit happier hahahahaha....then they both follow us to celebrate val's bdae( btw its nt tis week lor....kenna tricked by james sia)....w8ted for fatein for a very long time LOL....so we went to hard rock cafe to celebrate val's bdae lor...it was ex sia...i knw cuz i pay...lol....$168 sia...haha haven go claimed back yet...hahahaha...oh and we even bought her a west life cake....ahaha...her fav. boy band....she see also dun dare to eat...haha....we had a gr8 time lor...and stupid james still sabo with a large portion of the cake.....haha...cuz i initially sabo him 1st...not bad sia but a tiring day...reached home straight away KO....haha

Recently I had been rather stressed over my jeep driving lessons, especially the practicals lor....rather stressful sia...nowadays, got a bit of improvement liao. SO ya, I am quite glad in that sense but there is still an awful lot to learn, and monday is my driving test liao....so really really hope that I could passed it. Awful a lot of thanks to zhenni trying to cheer me on ,and to all the others who bother to listen to my nonsense. Hopefully, wont make the same mistakes liao

Juz now had night driving, it was rather interesting to drive at night and lucky it wasnt so dark yet...wah..cannot imagine if I ahd become the later driver. A bit paiseh for changing places with him cuz smthg happen...

Sam suddenly msg me at ard 6....knew that smthg had happen thou her replies are always trying to sound as if everything is alright, but juz knew that smthg was wrong anw...rushed back home lor...w8ted for her at her void deck *cuz she is supposed to be sending her kid back*.....but in the end, nvm liao lor....was very worried lor about her. in any case, the problem was abt him...so also kinda understand tht she cant meet me downstairs as he is also at her hse. Then also caught my sis in the act...with her BF...hahaha...no lah juz behaving intimately lor....nthg to it..I never see anything....nope nope...lol...

Anw so thats practically wad happen juz nw lor, oh ya did I mention that I passed parking as well...hehe....so far all my other tests have got 1st attempt passes liao....really really hope tht DT will also got 1st time pass bt seems quite unlikely leh...

I am getting sick and tired of all this shit....I did tried my best..I tink I might be going crazy lor...everywhere I go, I see signs then I tink wad I muz do when I am driving...I knw that I shld juz relaz and enjoy...but how can...cars kept moving past u....then today totally zoned out....cannot think of anything liao..totally blank...sometimes I juz wish I can dun bother abt all this....wish tht I never came on this course....aiyah dunno lah....someone can juz pull me out of this shit lor...told myself to not give up....c how it all goes lah...tink juz try to be more alert and try to improve lor...

21km finisher!!!! 我是不是很傻？？。。。因该是吧

Whoa....today finally completed my 21.1km AHM....wah...super far man!!!>_<.....wah wonder how am I going for the 42.129 km of standard chartered marathon sia at dec...wah..like tht sure take 1 week atten C de...lol...after I passed the finish line today is was like wah..RELEIVED sia!!!!....both my quads and abs kenna cramps....sadly I dun tink I met the timings so doubt can get my day off liao...oh well, there is always next year...but dunno whether got off days to motivate me a not...haha...tml dun need to drive liao...haha...must learn not to get so stress during driving...muz enjoy...but with so much to learn in such a short period...how to not be stress sia..lol...

Yesterday book in super early, at abt 7....but it was one of my most slack book in lor...lol...anw it was kinda gr8 to be back in camp but after heard of the stuffs that the rest of the guys said...hmm..well apparently a bit xiong liao lor...tht night we also had to lights out at 7.45 lor...but in the end no one exactly slept tht early lor..earliest I tink its at 8.30..it was ard 8 that she called me. Hah....I sort of expected what sort of question she is going to ask me liao....it always seems to be on relationships stuff lor...lol...do u think I am a pro. at such stuffs?? even though I am guy...oh well....anw wont really say much abt her problem here....si mi mi wor....lol...anw at 1st i thot that eventually it was the guy who had the upper hand, but after everything it might be 50-50 lor...she ask me why but...I never tell her why I say that he has the upper hand. One it becoz I felt that she needs to find out that herself...or maybe she will never lor...two its becoz if I tell her than maybe next time it will make it even more difficult for me bah...lol...for the 1st time she compared me with the other guy...saying that I seems to even remember even the smallest details abt her life, her ongoings and stuff. i dunno why...bt I ask her a very question.."你觉得我对你有好感?"....she was rather quiet for awhile..and at 1st she said she dunno. Then after pressing her, she said ya..she tink so...then I ask her why leh?? She list down certain things like cuz whenever I am free, i am always finding her...I rmbr the small details...I always ask her out for movies...so ya lor.....however I duno whether what I did next was the right thing..coz...I said that initially I got a bit of interested in her but..now I am also not so sure whether I really like her a not? and after going thru the last time...I am a bit afraid of liking another person again...somemore she is the type that is super diff. to jio de....in the end, I may end up hurting myself again and unlike last time...she is not Sam. So I told her that now I juz treat her as a good fren and blah blah lor....after this , she sounds confused lor...and lost...I ask her whether what I said affected her...and luckily she said it wasnt me but the other guy...and that our friendship wont be so easily affected de.

I think ppl will say that I am dumbed when come to this sort of things coz I am always like..how to say leh..a klutz....hah...so maybe I might have already kill off my chances with this...but I still tink that now is not the right time lor..cuz it has not been long since my last time and somehow feel that I am not ready for anything at this time....one thing I knw is that I not so desparado unlike in the past liao. What for sia....nowadays its how to jio ppl to go out sia...LOL...Anw like the saying goes...是你的就是你的..so there u go lor...right now I still feel that juz 对她有好感。。。but thats it lor...like I think there is still some chance out there between us..oh well see whether this time my intuition is right...haha...usually its wrong lor=P

She is back!!! OMG!!!!

On sunday, I had a rather huge shock cuz its like my uncle the ex. came back for a holiday in our dear old sunny island and she was at my ah ma hse. Then when 1st came in , she was like stunned and I was like erm...HI....lol..what else to say to someone whom u never seen for 10 years or so...apparently my uncle seems very stress lor..or rather serious lor..which he is rarely seen as. But she was as jovial as always in the past though=)...so I was like juz crapping ard as usual and suanning ppl cuz its like...hmm..well the atmosphere was quite like stiffening. Somehow, it sort of feel like between me and sam. becos my uncle and her talk like super long lost frenz and yet there is still some kind of special bond between them. Its not the way that they communicate in that I find similar but rather something else that juz makes me feel that we 4 are similar. Although I dunno what happened between them, but seems like my uncle never really let go of the past.....evident that he didnt seems to have a galfren in the past 6 years...or more...to me it juz seems so surreal though....weird to the max sia...

On sat. nite, I was so bored that I went straight to sleep lor....as damn sianz and a bit tired..lol...she msg me as she needed a talk...but I didnt knw and was fast asleep in dreamland. Next day, on msn say will call me to tell me the prob. in the end say dun need as dun have the urge to talk liao. In the end, I still call her lor...haha...go and say her tht she made me w8 for the whole day for her call which never came.

Found out that she was very stress with her taekwando training and apparently a few seniors have taken a liking to her...and some made their moves in a very funny manner....according to me lah...lol...haha not my style...got juz touch a bit on yan...and others stuff...like the stupid question of " Who are u going to save ? ur gf or ur mum?"....hah wu liao the question to me lor...so we basically chatted from 930 to 1110 lor...lol....tht long sia...found out that she is always the comparing type of gal...somehow I found it amusing that she never compare me with the other guys even though I thot my actions in the past were super obvious liao...lol...edgar was right after all...she is someone that u cannot juz like her, she muz like u de....if not no point continuing sia...Anw talking to her in a position of a good fren, to me is much simpler then in a position of someone who like her....maybe in the end, I wasnt really interested in her at all....to me....I am still in a trying to get to knw her better stage and anw being in NS is rather diff. to jio lor....so if anything truly came out of this stuff, seriously is quite a bonus....anw gaining another gd fren is nt a bad thing...ahaha...

I think I really changed liao....when come to such stuffs I dun tink as much as in the past liao...bi jiao qong song lor nowadays...to me these days, is usually wat to do during my free time lor....kinda bored nowadays. Not so stress like last year, where everytime I am always moody thinking of sam. .....nowadays its like juz relaz lor..chill......haha...there are still a lot of gems that haven been discovered yet=D

Kelua Baris!!!* left ,right, left* JEEP!!!! (not cheap!!)

Just started jeep course on monday..wah...theory is enough to kill you lor...so far have already completed 700 questions of highway codes liao...actually its juz 350 times 2 lor...lol...xiong sia...and thurs is the highway code test liao and muz pass lor..if not consequenses will be..hehe...jia lat sia..then thurs is also the 1st circuit driving training and tht will be the part where all the instructors show their true colours...wah hope mine dun suddenly become a monster....possible lor the most quiet ones are the most dangerous sia...lol...it has been some time since I last sat in a classroom enviroment and listen to lectures..haha

Hmm...realised it has been some time since I last blog....quite a few things happen..erm...like last friday, suppose to be my block leave in the end muz report back to camp for FFI over some small and minor stuff...bo link lor...then left my hse keys in camp and got to rush to ah ma hse and take my spare hse keys there and got to quickly changed into civi. clothes and rush all the way down to raffles place to meet Sam. cuz she needs to do her visa and I agreed to pei her lor...Show her ard shenton way tht area and inside chinatown square there and she was like super sua ku...lol...and she was prancing ard and saying' WAHH!!!....how s'pore got such a place de??!!!'...ahaha she can really be a small kid sometimes...haha...seriously...=).....kawaii lor...lol...anw brought her to the Hans at great eastern there, 1st time there as well and was like whoa...it was really big sia...lol with a lot of stuff.....eventually later follow her all the way to sembawang to wait for paul. Intended to juz sent her till the mrt station but then dun think should leave her to be alone so in the end pei her till 6.30....make me use up to 4 bucks within a day on mrt fees sia.....went to coffee bean as usual...haha said tht I always seems to end up in coffee bean * was referring to everytime with muddy, also at coffee bean de* then she somehow reminded me that we in the past also always hang out at coffee bean lor...then juz chat lor and somehow I tink she knew what I was abt to say...lol...thou she never say it lor...In the end, juz went off to meet the SBSP gang with smthg like tht" I dun think I wanna meet paul and follow u both towards town lor, sorry cause I dun like to be ard couples and all".....then I took back my jacket and went off....didnt look back unlike in the past, cuz...afraid that I will se bu de then....yeah...actually I tink partly I did this was like erm...like cuz I dun want to be a lightbulb and as well as yeah...its her...and maybe I didnt look back becuz in the past, I am always looking at her back whenever she goes home and all..now should be her turn...hah...but as for tht, I dunno....

After that went to meet up with SBSP gang and we went to far east to eat ramen ten and later went to padang there and watch fireworks..not bad lor..cuz never see heart shaped fireworks before....eye opener lor...met fatein's fren and thot she got the korean look and val and me were like where have we seen her b4 and james juz joined in the fun...lol....tht james ah...haha...it was really fun and we most prob. will meet up again soon!!! another 2 weeks time!!!

4E1 Outing (11th Aug. 2007)

It has been some time since I met up with the guys and although there were like 1/2 the class not there but it had been a great time to meet up and share with each other how were our lives and all. Like ting han and edgar and chian hwee lor...Up ah!!...though I was a bit dissappointed by the turn out and stuff...however like what johnny said, its allright least we meet up and all. So thanks to LEONARD!!! for organising, it has been great of ya to organise and though many didnt come at the end, thanks a lot lor=)....These are truly the kind of frenz that stay with u thru out ur life and hopefully we can still meet up regularly like the seragooners and of cuz bball khakis...

Was also chatting with edgar yest. nite and we were talking about army but lately I see no point in talking about NS liao..cuz maybe in it for so long then get used to it liao...did talk about her to edgar and lo and behold! his GF is actly a gd fren of her...lol...and he ask me whether i want some info. lol....I welcome it anytime=P...he told me some and said that this gal is super hard to chase lor...so kudos to me...lol....wah stress me for the whole night sia... slept at 2.45 sia...then woke up at 7 plus and stoned till 8. 30...kept thinking about a lot of things lor...wah kao... what the heck lah!!! think so much also sianz...sam always says that thinking a lot is smthg gd about me...but sometimes i feel it juz make me more emo...anws...see how lor...dun want to think liao...

Anw, to pig, do the right thing and juz do what u think is right and for the best of u 3 lor..=D

不能说的秘密

Wah!!! this movie is quite nice lor..especially the lead actress, she is like damn attractive lor...not like ur normal typical megan fox from transformers or smthg...but its juz like she looks very sweet and how to say ah.....got the charms??...lol...anw the show was not bad sia...though there were some questions not answered. Then it was my 1st time, actually going to watch a movie alone and so ya quite interesting...haha then in my row got another loner. We were only like a seat apart then it was kinda weird cuz like 2 loners watching some love story...lol...I was like wad on earth is she watching such a show alone sia...haha weird..then kinda realised tht when u watch alone u are able to see a lot of things and there is no one to bug u on the movie with some questions and all. Well, who says that loners are truly lonely..cause there are many other loners oso out there, so u are not alone..haha very interesting lor...anw wont be a spoiler so u should go watch the movie urself

whoa...a stressful situation lei...

Yesterday..of cuz as usual doing NDP...sianz to the max...lol...hah basically juz stoned there lor...for hours...boring sia...anw min msg me, so thot of juz meet up and have a drink...yes its alcohol...haha...but b4 that went to eat oyster omlette with junyi they all than went back to serangoon to buy drinks and meet her. Mum gave me an ultimatum that I must reach hm b4 12 if not kenna grounded, sianz leh...really dun like ppl to control my time de...oh well bt this is higher authority leh...lan lan lor...along the way met up with edgar..haha still botak cuz he is on course and he is super fit sia...even much better than me...OMG...how can this be happening..lol..muz train more and harder!!!!...hahahahaha...never see him for so long liao...shucks got a lot to catch up lor...NVM....tis sat got 4e1 outing..WOOHOO!!!!!!!...hehe...

Of cuz after awhile, * very nice of gar to accompany me to w8 lor*, than she finally came down...looked frantic lor...intro both of them then I zhao with her lor. Keep pulling my sleeves and was so stressed because of some guy suddenly like her and to her, he is only juz a fren lor...than...ya..blah blah...dun really want to elaborate much here...so juz bought 2 jack daniels....( in the end, i covered 1 1/2 lor(-_-))...haha and she can still say that I am able to break it down so..erm...wads the word..analytical and logical for her to see...lol...maybe I am guy and I also able to see from that person's point of view bah...anw hopefully i was able to help her as much as I could.

So to min, juz do wad u have to do and calm down before u do anything lor...in any case do wad u tink its rite ya?

In the end...its U=)

Thursday, 2 Aug. the day when I learnt certain truths...I emerged from the darkness that surrounds me...I wont go thru everything that happen that day again cuz I dun see a point in repeating the same things over again...but in the end, the question that had chained me for so long was answered...I was ashamed of myself for hating and resenting her...always thot that for being stuck in this period of darkness was only my suffering and not hers as well...dunno why after that short time with her, I realised a lot of things, like how to put it...a heightened sense of things...It is also the point of time when I also felt that I really loved her a lot...bt love can be channeled thru other ways besides being together...how ironic that the person who started all this f*** shit in my life, the person who caused me to undergo all the emotions and horrible times of my life...at the very end, she is the one who end it all for me...haha seriously how ironic...it wasnt any of my frenz nor is it zhenni...it was her...somehow I realised that she is always there, looking at my best interests...in a way of how I am always there in the past...somehow that gives me a wonderful feeling, a feeling that u always knw that someone is behind u always...

Thanks for everything=)...including the pains and sufferings u gave me...I am sorry for not being able to be a big part of your life as before, am sorry for making u worry about me all this time, sorry for hating u..and I knw u will surely say "stop saying sorry, there shouldnt be any between us".......however I will still say it cuz its juz me bah. I give u my word that I will try to get u back into my life as before and not make u worry liao, just give me some time ya?

U knw smthg? U are truly an incredible and special person =) To me u are not a best fren, so sorry to dissappoint u in that..............................................cuz to me.....u are a special and important person in my life=D...highest level liao leh!!!! of cuz my future gf can be considered a little bit higher=P...ROFL

Right Here Waiting For You...

Right Here Waiting For You...

Oceans Apart, day after day, and then slowly go and say
I hear your voice on the line, but it doesnt stop the pain,
If I see u next to never, how can we say forever...

Wherever u go, whatever u do, i will be right here waiting for you,
Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks, I will be right here waiting for you.

I took for granted all the times which I felt will last some how, I hear the laughter ,
I tasted tears but I cant get near you now,
Oh cant u see it babe, u got me going crazy....

Wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you,
Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks, I will be right here waiting for you.

I wonder how we can survive this moments, but in the end if I'm with u,
I take the chance,

Oh cant u see it babe, u got me going crazy.

Wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you,
Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks, I will be right here waiting for you.

Weird day...

I remebered that I told min that I wont want to go after muddy liao...however it didnt kinda end that way...i still do 'out of the blue' things and all for her...this is freaking strange sia...it doesnt sounds logical at all...she is totally different from sam. although they are similar in small ways but other than that...its different...hmm...this is kinda the no link sia...

Anw this morning as usual was watching 'Getbackers', a new anime that I have just found...not bad leh...very nice and the ED song was nice though its 49 episodes...lol..then went to buy breakfast and all. Haha...then LY called me, ask me to follow her to SIM so that she wont get lost...lol...I just followed her till CJC then after that let her ownself go lor....SIM is far leh...but I tink still ok lor from serangoon...went home to continue watching the anime...didnt realised that muddy sent me 2 msgs...and that she was coughing rather badly...dunno why suddenly rushed out and wanted to get the book that she wanted to her...and at the same to do my no. 4...but i tink its my mind's excuse to go out bah...went to beach road..thinking on cough cures...listening to MP3...and then She appeared in front of me...Sam...and paul too....I was stunned..serious! coz if I knw paul is ard in advance, I wil sort of like switch to the other mode..like other person..then she suddenly caught me by surprise today...was stunned...like blur blur de...dunno lah..just felt paiseh...so didnt really talk to her much, just ask her about cough cures and she immediately thot of muddy....dotz she too zai liao...sheesh...briefly talk with paul a bit...but somehow both of us today seems strangely quiet today...ya anw never tok much with her..dunno why but felt that I was rather cold to her.....felt kinda lousy...haiz..sianz...tink tht the past caught up with me again....sheesh...feel like i sort of disappointed her...tried not to tink abt it.

So went to beach road, then realised that the shop was not open...shucks sia...WTH...thot how lousy today was....rushed to popular to get a book for muddy and my mind kep coming with excuses on why I should get the book for her...in the end finally got it after like asking the assistant where was it..and all...wah scared me that cannot find..then isnt wasted. Thot of going to her hse and pass it to her...on the bus met Si jia...wah..my CJC senior...sia lah..and her mum...she looks so differently now...so beautiful though still got those dreamy eyes of hers...lol...haha...then talk a bit about NS and NTU and NDP lor...soon reached muddy place so alighted. thot wanted to just go up and surprised her...but thot otherwise...whew gd move sia cuz she was geylang there the poly clinic..sia lah...so told her tht i got a book for her..then ask me to take bus(s) over there....tink its too long so took a cab...lol and kept talking to the driver abt cabbie's earnings and the new car. Reached there then found her...realised that she was with a friend and it was a guy!!!..lol...no lah, dun have so strong a response but still a bit surprised..talked with the guy lor and knew that he is from SIM and just some1 that she recently got to knw off...talked a lot abt NS though he ORD liao...and stuff...realised that he is also interested in anime...so ya able to talk a bit lor...apparently she told him about me when he says that I am her good fren...I was like...er..ok..i Shy lei...lol...but kinda weird when he said this......took a bus with them, he didnt sit with her and there was an empty seat beside her and I just went to sit beside her lor...dunno why..suddenly made me tink of last year when paul juz sat beside sam and i was on the opposite...to me it seems like a move like' buzz off dude'..that kinda of thing...shucks sia...couldnt really believe I am doing such things...lol...like tis time damn aggressive lor...OMG...lol...anw gave the book to her and went home bah...

Often I wonder, why i am so crazy and aggressive this time round...or rather sometimes so irrational...being with muddy, just feels happy and fun lor...like not much stress de, maybe its after the episode last year...maybe its cuz I understand that " One must understand that one could fail but its ok" i tink thats smthg that I never grasp it properly last year so...ya...aiyah anw dun want to tink too much liao lah...sheesh..i hope I can quickly get over whatever and maybe go out with sam sometime and juz treat her as min or like ben and stuff...though sometimes I wonder how is that possible?? with paul also fighting for her time as well as her sisters...ya...but getting used to it liao...ah!!!!16km this wednesday!!! OMG=X

The deathly hallows...FINISHED!!!=D

Whoa...I have finished reading the last instalment of the Harry Potter series, the deathly hallows...And boy it is a damn bloody good book lor...like wad samuel like to say" Its not the ending that counts, its the process" and he is super right lor....the book rocks sia

In the end, it was a happy ending but there were a lot of deaths that cause many of the series's celebrated characters to be killed off. In this book, it shows a lot of various problems that each character is facing and to me , the surprise came in the form of Snape. Who would have thought that he love Harry's mum for so long and that he is so devoted to her and he had to lived with the pain of knowing that he caused the death of one that he love so dearly. He had given a lot to the order and at times he wasnt so much appreciated just like what Harry had felt. In the book, we also discovered that behind every hero, there is a past that is bad and will constantly comes back and haunt him...like dumbledore with his family past and background. This reminds me of a phrase " A true hero is one who admits and faced his own mistake and move on to help others"...

thanks for lending ur ear=)

Yesterday saw XM the ex whom is also ben^3 the sec. classmate...ok lah she looks rather decent and all anw ben^3 was like super sentimental over the whole stuff like how she from a small kid become so old and 'adult like' whereas we are like still stuck in our teenage mindsets..manning water points...lol...then LY oso called and told me about $4 million...lol..and apparently she is almost reaching the shore oso....another 5 to 10 more percent to go liao...jia you jia you!...haha and ya also kinda feel a bit like ben^3. Hmm...how to say..like happy for her to finally like get a guy, haha following wadever tht happens between them for so long and finally its going to be a happy ending and not forgetting tht I did play a part in it..lol....ya...but dunno why after all this, kinda feel a bit emo. and a bit down...like wad sam like to put it " So what incident happened ?" Cuz for me..sometimes it juz takes smthg small to cause me to think a lot about other stuffs...so in the end it leads to other prob(s).

LY said smthg like " wah nw u better ask me out, if nt , then very little chance liao"...haha actly its very small and a bit of joking cuz I knw tht she wont be like tht de...even if so, its normal but its like..a bit lonely liao as the rest all got their other halfs...eventually it lead to my other prob(s) like my family, myself, Sam and my purpose in life...

I went to look for muddy...I tink I kinda shocked her when I appeared downstairs at her block and wanting to talk to her...so met her....juz poured everything to her, from the small problems to others...she was really a good listener...she juz listen to me while I rants from almost everything and stuff...I mean, it is really nice to have such a fren by my side...of cuz in the end I felt better and a bit paiseh to her cuz I kept trying to end our conversation early as it was really late and didnt want to miss the last train.

Also left my ipod at her place..damn paiseh..lucky her dad managed to retrieve for me...shucks..was in such a rush to go home lor...bet her dad muz be tinking how did his daughter get to knw such a blur guy...lol...ya so not bad lor...hah realised some similarities between me and sam last year...the onli thing is that me and muddy juz swapped places...intriguing isn't? =P

this is crazy...

OMG...I think I m going bonkers man...shucks...suppose to keep myself in check..suppose to think logically..suppose to u knw..like chill a bit..wad am i doing sia!!! Today woke up, blur blur...went to watch DN angel...cuz i think can finish by noon or around there...until someone told me her traumatizing dream...watched DN angel the last few episodes...at 1st was heisitant, cuz its like..u knw...why muz go all out?...i mean...i thot i suppose to control myself..to u knw...chill...so didnt really bother till the episodes...dunno why..made me realised that time is short, so muz u knw..cheong..go and do wad u believe in...went out, bought it liao...so thot can meet up tml or smthg as she is sick then should be at hm...realised that there is orientation tml...but its like i keep like..u knw...pushing her to meet me..oh man..i think thts kinda, i mean like...kinda too pushy bah...feel tht a bit too gan cheong rite??...ahhh....WTH....sheesh...this sucks man...I think i am going crazy....i mean its like..well she is not interested in me, and why am i like u knw...going all out....in a way or so...

I need to calm down sia...juz nw called sam. , I think she muz be laughing at me again...tinking tht "here goes, eugene again"...lol...but later her sms was kinda nice...gt another one of those 'answers' again...as well as a bit of advice...ya..hah...tis best fren is scary..understand me too well liao=D...

TRANSFORMERS...robots in disguise

Whoa...juz now went to watch transformers...wah..and its damn cool sia...with optimus prime and all...cool sia..lol...quite sad that the pontiac got split into half..cuz it is quite a sexy car lor...lol...and the fight scenes were quite nice lor...wah make me remisience abt the past..especially when bumblebee 1st transform...I was like " whoa....", wah...super nice lor...AHHH...damn cool sia especially when he was being called a 'lousy car'...ahaha..then he changed into a chervolet camero....whoa....super cool!!..haha

Questions and dreamz...

( there is actually some reference to the previous entry)

Ben Song said this..." There are some questions that U cannot answer, thats y u cannot move"..I havent found those questions yet, maybe i had thot of it...but i thot i had the answers...heh...actually I dont. The conversation that I had with him, had been bugging me for a few days. Had to juz let out everything on jordan...eventually I still cannot find any answers to my doubts...untill that call

While I was with jordan, apparently muddy was trying to contact me but my phone was in silent mode...didnt knw that she called me...So when I was abt to go back to sleep, I saw her missed calls and msg...quite surprised that she called, wonder whats up...called back...she was crying...1st time heard her cry...told me about her dream and that scared that she was thinking of both yan and her sec. love...felt that she shouldnt be like that..scared, worried, confused..all the emotions from the past juz kept flowing back...dunno why but my voice soften and juz try to explain things to her...like how u tell a kid on why certain things happen to them...got this type of feeling that...erm how to put it..."dun worry, I have been there b4"..."its juz a dream, dun take it too seriously"..."everything will be alright de"...smthg like that lor. Talked for an hour plus, share with her my thoughts and a particular dream but nvr said the main character though...In the end , help her sort out her thoughts and she is alright lor=)

Tht day, called her...talk to her about yan, suddenly realised that she liked him a lot...like when juz say his name, she will perked up. Sort of heart-wrenching for me, could I have really fallen for her?...that question kept flowing thru my mind...my 1st reaction was to totally avoid her...maybe its that I am afraid that history will repeat again, or maybe i haven totally let go yet...I just want to avoid getting hurt again, thats all I want. But we all knw thats like freaking impossible if u like some1. Hmm...after thinking about it, I think I need to give myself more time ...to find back myself...to be independent and be stronger before I am ready for another jump. There are times when I am afraid that I will lose my chance with her...(do i really like her or i juz think i like her)...thats why i need this cool down period bewteen us...to see whether I really like her, for now we are juz frenz and if really really smthg blossom between us...we shall see...With so many questions, how could I ever be ready? so ya....time to CHILL and sort out myself

Similarities...

Juz completed Honey and Clover Season 2 liao..here are my thoughts...

In the end, takemoto didnt get along with Hagu-chan though he loved her a lot and gave what he thought was everything that he could possibly do. He was able to understand her, able to reach out to her and all but in the end he was still rejected. It was all a 1 sided affair to begin with...somehow or rather I found myself very drawn to this character. Maybe coz he went thru the same stuff as I did...so I can emphatise with him=). In the end , Hagu gave him smthg that she knows that he will definitely remember the memories that they had together...and he is able to find the answer to his question liao...and move on...

Last sunday, was playing bball with the guys as usual=)...damn fun lor and they kept saying that I muz be secretly training playing bball...HAH...I never lor!!!...maybe I become fitter thts all=P After everything. we start to catch up with each other and realised that Seong broke up liao...kinda sad bt I am sure its for the best..and glad to knw tht ren is getting used to OCS..n that jon is trying to get into OCT for police...and that ben song get a girlfren liao..OMG!!! thats like whoa...and her name is also samantha though she is from VJC...shucks another one attached liao...haha...

We had lunch together after that I went with ben song back and started chatting with him...in the end I finally told him about Sam and things that happen between both of us...he was in a shock and all...and he was juz dumbstruck...well thats the sort of reaction I am sure he will get...so ya...I juz talk to him and my state of mind at that moment...he suddenly made me realised a lot of things between me and her...

1)I am still attached to her one way or another
2)I wanted so much to go back to the past....b4 everything
3)There are questions that need answering...but I cant find them
4) Is it my fault?

These are the stuff that went thru my head after that conversation...he told me that I am confused....or rather lost in a forest...I thot I had gotten totally over her, I had already pushed everything away, kept in some forgotten place..hoping that I will never touch it again...I am ok when seeing her and paul...I accepted the fact that she is attached...but I think I never gotten past the stage when she is so part and parcel of my life...in a way she is not helping by having lots of other committment...but ya I also cannot blame her lor...Everyday I walked past or around my place, I look at the void deck tables, her fav place, the paths that we trod...the places that we hang out...then some memories will flow back as if as they had never been forgotten at all...really missed those times together and all...but everytime I thot of it, reality always hit me( and they say tht reality is harsh...true lor)...now there isnt much stuff tht we can hang out together for...no more studying together...no more sharing of stuffs( coz she has her other half..or maybe I am distancing away frm her)...I told her b4 that I miss the past...dunno whether she understand that its not the part when I am very in love with her and all but the times when we juz met and the times we had together.

Foolishly, I always thot that the time when I forget abt some1, it will be when I am able to accept the fact tht she is attached and all...and everything will be back the same.hah...how dumb and stupid i am, there is no way back and that I must also learn to let go of those memories and not struggling hard to hold them back anymore...I must let go of the dream of going back to b4. So..actually I still have a long way to go...

Stories...our past n present...plants...city views

Whoa...finally watched finished the 1st season of Honey and Clover liao...haha....at times can be rather lame but feel that the overall series is quite rather...hmm...how to put it...eh...certain parts got meaning de lor...but at times felt a bit draggy...

Yesterday went back to CJC to collect my grad. cert. lor...I was wearing a purple shirt and step into a vast "BLUE" Ocean lor...and every1 kept staring at me....though I knw I handsome but people shy leh..hehe...haha BHB...anw went back to co-op and talk to auntie again...said that I gain weight...OMG....haha I think its time I should eat less liao...and workout more sia...lol...felt a bit of surreal lor...where everyone was rushing here and there due to exams whereas I am there juz watching them and thinking back a year ago when I was like them...haha nostalgic feeling sia=D...So was there for about an hour, juz chatting with auntie and at times with a J1 guy...then realised that it was already 1230..oh man didnt want to be late for my movie date...lol...rushed down in a cab...wasnt late....but she was...( wasted my cab fare..=X)

So bought tix 1st lor...at 3..after that stoned at the 2nd floor, watching all the upcoming movies trailers....think harry potter will be damn cool sia=D...so for about 30+ minutes lor...watched until the screen almost repeat the entire segment again...lol...then was listening to iPod...suddenly felt some1 tapped my left shoulder...turn left( BAD MOVE!!!)...then natural reaction..turn right then Muddy was there...(oh man...kenna punked...I usually punk ppl not the other way round sia...)haha...so bought tix...didnt knw what to eat...eventually walked all the way to taka and eat Mos followed by a the ultimate at coffee bean...not bad sia...though she said that vivo much better...haha I also cant really tell the difference sia...we juz talked about some stuff and she talked about her plants that she and her sis planted and how she cooked for her father during father's day lor and how she failed terribly with the soup..hehe...then also got talked a bit of my duties at NDP and a bit of NS...but nthg much from me...hmm...muz be my life too boring liao...lol...watched the movie...hmm...rather interesting...thot provoking I will say...but at the end..kinda sianz lor...as there is like no ending...a bit disappointing lor...after that went around the whole orchard...looking for min's present...wah...very stressful sia...from heeren to cine to far east...eventually bought smthg...after like wad...an hour and a half...hopefully she likes it lor...then we ran after a bus...caught the bus and sat down..haha on the journey back..leaning on her shoulder a bit...talked a bit more on NS and stuff...then I asked her a question...that had been disturbing me lor...her reply was very the diplomatically correct=)...hah...so thot leave it at that lor...then she asked me...have I really forgotten about sam. liao....then said yeah...juz said a bit of other stuff lor...reached the bus stop..she told me about a guy that she likes..apparently I also knw him...then the stuff between them and her supposedly "best" fren...hmm....dunno why she so suay to meet such a fren lor...as she was saying all this...for the 1st time...I saw her eyes swelling up....and knew tht she was abt to cry...but eventually she didnt lor...almost wanted to juz pat her head and says "its ok"...but maybe it was unnecessary bah...let her face it herself bah...so she told me everything about it...and I also told her my story abt Sam. somehow though both of us were very very hungry...but we juz chat abt such stuff lor...well at least now I knw..so far there isnt any1 going after her or she is seriously interested in any1...oh man...watcha me talking...juz let the river flows man....told her I had a blog..she wanted to see it...but I said NO...and says it's like for very cloz frenz and my sis. and that there are some things I dun want her to knw...oh man...I just like blurted out all of this lor...kinda obvious rite...shucks...hah..rmbered last year sam also like that...lol...anw sent her back to her door step again...got her to intro. me to the plants that she planted and the various sceneries around her apartment...very interesting...haha...

Overall, it was a rather interesting nite...=D...understand her a bit better liao...lol...anw its juz comfortable being with her but dun want to rush things and certain things we see how lor...lol...

Distant...TOO MUCH.....

It has already been some time since I last went out with her...has it been 2 months already...wow....thts really a long time...lol...ya it was...she was sick...and had gum problems so didnt really talk much...its kinda weird not talking much with her...and sort of felt lonely lor...dunno why too...I crap a lot as usual but never show my discomfort towards her...its juz not the same anymore...felt too distant...as if she is too far away from my life already...I used to update her on my life...try to meet up with her every week( though it never happen...)...Like how to say...I also nt sure..cuz I am able to meet up with min and longyu everyweek...they understand me and we can talk about things as we always meets up...however with her...I for the 1st time felt lost...I am not sure...dunno wad happen in her life...dunno wad to tell her about mine cuz we never sit down and chat for a long time...all too distant...

Awhile ago, she offered to sent me to camp...a bit surprised cuz she wasnt like tht b4...though it didnt happen...ask her why she so nice and all...she said this' Cuz u seems to have gotten over me, so cant I juz nian u a bit'...So thts wad I was there for...juz to fill a gap left by someone for a period of time...or was it becuz we never hang out as much as in the past...felt that it was the 1st one...is most gals like tht?...both my mum and she says that I seems to be always bz and stuff...maybe I am...cuz its has already so long a time since feb 26...amazing how one rmbrs such things...I was walking to my grandma hse today and realised that the sky was kinda nice today with its orange colour....then thought that this is always the norm...how come I never realised it?...realised that i had been always rushing here and there, w/o stopping to have some time for myself...never had the time to stop and think about her...today I did...somehow felt kinda sad cuz its being too distant liao...and she is going to leave soon...I am happy for her cuz she can finally study a course tht she likes and she can go overseas...bt the idea of her not being on this island....is kinda not right...imagine how does one keeps up with one's best fren thru email and msn but at the same time not knowing whether she is ok and fine there...it will feel different lor...

" I am always seeing her back view...always waiting for her....rushing to be by her side whenever she needs me" thts a phrase from an anime lor...sounds very familiar...ahahaha...anw...for me its ok liao...I am juz her very good fren and will honour my promise to her......i think I can safely says that I am over her liao...but certain things can never ever be replaced from life cuz they are so part and parcel of u that no matter how one try to run away from it...it will keep on popping out in front of ya...=D

Now...I am free and able to do what I want though I think of the past..however unlike the past, I never dwell in it anymore and as for between me and Muddy...hmm...lets juz say that let time tells and fate decides..I have enough of thinking so much and putting too much into something liao....one more day to BOOK OUT!!!!=D