E.T.A

Yesterday had a great day out with sam. It has been ages since we last went out together. Went to eat ATAS breakfast at "wild honey" which is somewhere at mandarin gallery, got to wait for places somemore and its like what..30 minutes, almost wanted to go to cedele le...haha...until they call us to let us know that our table was ready. For the pic, do refer to my fb as usual=X lazy to post here. Went around gai gai and talk a lot of stuffs, especially the portion of she is feeling old....lolz...truly living up to her reputation as an auntie finally...haha.

Brought her to see the pinnacle@ duxton HDBs, but she was more interested in tanjong pager estates rather than the HDB....haha...of course i was ecstatic about finally going all the up to 51st floor sky bridge. LIKE FINALLY. always wanted to do it ever since it opened but never had a chance to do so until yesterday. Achievement checked for the year...haha...happy that she also enjoyed the view and all...was a bit afraid she might find it too normal and waste of money...but...all the way there and not go up?...haha...

The place was really windy and all, so its really cool and imagine jogging up 51st storey high...coolz max...am sure that it is bloody expensive, went to recce the price but can't find...what i saw on some sites is around 700k? but i am sure its worth more considering a penthouse flat in bishan fetch 900k recently this year.

We did have some H2H talk of course, cuz its like ages since we were enough to spend some time together, considering the tight schedule of her life. Somehow we chatted until the part where we touch a little about the uniqueness of our friendship. To her, I am like a vacation from her own life. And to me, she is...hmm..i never really thought of it...haha...its just reassuring for her to be there bah...haha

Prodigy

Was watching sungha jung videos...really like this guy. Seriously god-like, his guitar playing skills are like on the other level from normal people sia. I was just thinking that a lot of prodigies actually very young when they were first discovered. Well, you don't see someone telling a 70 year old man that he is a genius. Maybe its the notion of them being young and that they haven't seen much of the world. yet they are able to perform extraordinary stuff that supposedly the adults should be able to do. Then I was wondering how many of these child prodigies able to continue to perform well into adult age? Well not many I think. and one of such person is Albert Einstein.

Maybe like what some books had said and that as one grows older, we tends to believe in that the world is not limitless and that there is a limit to everything we do. Soon, it became so integral in our life that we just assume it as it is. So it applies to these prodigies as well, maybe some due to the period of growing up, may lose the skills they had because they are influenced by societies in some ways.  Maybe they got conceited. Maybe they lose their true selves during the phenomenal rise to stardom.

I remember a post I posted last year, its based on the movie Nodame Cantabile. Its about something as seeing music as a limitless universe. There are a few perspectives of looking at things, and needless to say, there are quite a few to this as well. Sometimes when we feel like the world is closing on us, if we think of how small we are in the universe, well there is sometimes a calming effect on us, don't you think? I think some psychiatrist will term it as " thinking from a 3rd person view". Another way is that the universe is limitless so there are always possibilities of things that can happen even though it seems impossible.

Actually I think I could have elaborated more, but Taeyeon voice and video cause me to sidetracked le...can't concentrate...sorry sia...its the trap that all guys falls into...our common Achilles Heel=P

Its always good to have a friend to calm oneself down and remind oneself what is important and to see through the fogs of life.=)

Looking into the Crystal Ball

Recently went for a fengshui session with my parents and sis. Then the hot topic was literally about me not getting a girlfriend=.=....because apparently for the next 2 years I won't be with anyone then got this one year where got chance then the next 5 years no one again...then the most optimistic view is that i may get married at 32...so in some sense I think its rather bleak hur. Apparently there was someone in 2009, but for some reason I missed her. I can only think of lisian cuz well I was after her that time, but well it wasn't meant to be. If she is not the one, then it might be the other girl who seemingly sticks to me for some time, but I wasn't really interested in her. But in any case, it was all in the past.

Another pointer that she pointed out was that I am very stubborn and inflexible which I agree to some extent. Said that I should be more open to match-making and such stuffs...but I still think its not really for me, call me stubborn or whatsoever. In any case, I know that to improve, I should be more flexible in the future, regardless of career or relationship.

To say that I am not affected is nonsense. I don't really know why. But I was rather devastated by it. Its like I always feel that we have some control over our life, but somehow the revelation that its been somewhat predestined, its pretty scary to me. I don't really know what happened to me that night, but I was really really down... its just like a waterfall of saddening emotions just overwhelms me. I wonder is it my somewhat "persistance" to stick with muddy, though somewhat lessen but there is still some drops left in the cup. I then wonder what my life would be, will it be actually like somewhat predicted? Ever since the last session with her, I told myself that I should changed the picture that was shown to me, but, it happened and I couldn't stop it.  I was told that its possible to change, but it would take a huge effort from my part. Then I started wondering whether the effort to change is all but actually a part of the journey to the predicted picture. I sort of gave up thinking after awhile....then I somehow sort of like drifted away from the thinking, listening to sounds of tv, the crickets and the chatter of families around the neighborhood. I sort of awaken after a loud sound of someone drop a pan or smthg. I never really talk to anyone regarding this, maybe because even I can't pinpoint where the problem was and I don't think this is justified enough in wasting others' time, though at the point of time, I was hoping to have someone. But, must put a word of thanks to lei for sms-pei-ing me the next day, we didn't talk about the problem but it sort of made me feel better.

I want to change, yet I am afraid of what would happen if I changed, what will be forced to give up? Then, what if the change is not what it seems to be? What if it all happened again? I don't really know. People tells me that I should not be stubborn and inflexible but am I really that stubborn to begin with? Do I always tell myself that it should be this way and only this way? I think so...definitely, maybe its not those straightforward cases but more of the subtle kind which I am beginning to take note and can see some inflexibility in them. I learnt that when one grows up, we should have somewhat a fixed principled base in all of us, just like in Confucius. Maybe its the core that we should keep as fixed, because I feel that what determines a person is by his principles. Any others is variable.

Going forward, I don't actually know what I should do, where I should go next. Maybe I should just take small steps and not plan for the endings anymore. As for relationships, I don't know, the way she said was like "it's now or never" kind, really sianz sia....but I still stand by the fact that if I really cannot see myself with someone, I will not get along with that person cuz it won't do any of us any good. I feel maybe I should just keep on going with life but at the same time, try to make the small adjustments of being flexible and trying to take each step at a time bah.

Tale of The Three Brothers

Hundreds of years ago, the three Peverell brothers were travelling at twilight, and reached a river too dangerous to traverse. The three brothers, being very powerful wizards, simply created a bridge across the river. They were then stopped by Death himself, who was displeased that they had gotten across the river, thus cheating him out of new victims. Death then congratulated them on being clever enough to evade him, and offered each of them a powerful magical item. The first brother, Antioch Peverell, wished to become invincible in duels; Death broke a branch off a nearby tree and created for him the Elder Wand, a wand more powerful than any other in existence. The second brother,Cadmus Peverell, wished to resurrect his lost love; Death then took a stone from the riverbed and created for him the Resurrection Stone, a stone capable of bringing the dead back to the living world. The third brother, Ignotus Peverell, realised the danger of the situation and requested a means by which Death could not find him; Death grudgingly gave him the cloak off his back, the Cloak of Invisibility, an invisibility cloak that never lost its power through curses or age.


Just caught the Harry Potter with cat, DML and nurul. Somehow it seems rather nice so far, maybe its because I can't remember the story le...haha..but at least the director for this time, put it in such a way that an ignorant watcher would at least understand the general gist of the movie. The above story is the main childhood stories which is based on the actual deathly hallows that really had exist( in the story ah..not reality=P)


Somehow, I find this story to be really interesting, well to me that is lo. I am rather fascinated by it. Hmm...maybe its the reason to deal with death, or the reason that the moral of story is just to be calm, humble and see the bigger picture. If we were able to rephrase the 1st and 2nd brother, it would be Arrogance(Ego) and Regret respectively. 


Arrogance(Ego). I think most of us have a certain amount of ego inside when eventually it will undo us in the end. Just like the 1st brother, he brag so much and showed off so much that others start to desire the Elder Wand,and that eventually he was killed. Of course in reality, even if you are the ultimate bragger, the chances of you being killed though may be high relatively but still remote. But the issue here isn't really a lot on arrogance, its the Ego. The mini-me in everyone, the pettiness in each of us(come on, everyone has one in you=P)....and this petty self will show in ways more than just arrogance. It could be anger, could be jealousy...it can even be self-pity. And because of such emotions, we may be falsely lead to be irrational and end up doing things that may eventually hurt oneself. Dumbledore, who eventually possessed the elder wand, didn't use it in a blatant manner. He could have say he has the most powerful wand ever and that he is able to do good with it. He was easily the most powerful guy on earth, but he resisted himself being placed in positions with power, because although his objective is to do good, but eventually the power will be his downfall. I think we humans, are never good with handling of power in our hands, regardless how noble or good our intentions are. Maybe primarily its due to our genetic programming to be domineering thats why we are the dominant species on this planet. So should we stop being dominant and just do good for the community? to be tolerant and to accept things as they are? I think the answer is a flat no. Because try telling yourself that, with our current society norms and all, I really don't think its possible to squash the Ego. 


Regret. Ah...regrets...my favourite topic. haha...on contrary belief, I really think that we humans really like regrets a lot. We are always talking about them, like " do you have any regrets in life?" " My regret is....." To tell you all, I also have regrets, I have always hoped I had done certain things earlier, more decisive or just the plain notion of doing it. Maybe to some, I don't seem to have any but those whom had hang around long enough will know. Regrets can be defined as a longing for what has already past. Just the story of the resurrection stone which was the 2nd brother's wish, clearly epitomizes that. His inability to let go of the girl that he likes, in the end resulting in unhappiness on both sides because the girl's soul don't belong in the living world and the brother is not happy because she is not happy. Hence I think one should not dwell so much on regrets and must learn to let go( of cuz saying is easy). Cuz, regrets are like a hallucination in a desert, where we knows that we can never alter history, well simply cuz its already history. 


Finally, on to the 3rd brother. I don't think I will talk much about him being wise and all to see through Death's plans. Rather I like the last portion where he decided to pass the cloak to his son and finally unveil himself to Death and faced him like an old friend and ready to depart due to old age. If we look at this in a macro view, eventually all three brothers died. One thing to note is that the 3rd brother accepted death but he didn't want to die soon so he chose that wish. So, the word here is Acceptance. I don't mean acceptance in the sense that, if you suppose to do something but it seems difficult then one just says " Damn its difficult, I accept that its difficult, lets just quit". To me, Acceptance is more like I tried this 3 times, all 3 times failed, so I accept that maybe my method is wrong or truly I just cannot handle the task given. Like what a lot of self-help books says, to accept death is to live. Maybe to accept is to let go. Let go the fear of death. Let go the pain. Let go the obsession. And things like that lo. 


This entry has been rather long...oks its freakin long....sorry for it..haha. Though I will have to applaud you for sitting through this entire entry, if u managed to read this at the end. If you don't understand, its alright cuz I dont think I phrase it in a very "easy to understand" manner...haha. These are stuff that I picked up from reading and thru some personal experiences lor, I don't think I am able to practiced those that I had highlighted above. But, I think as long as one try to observe and incorporate a little each day...i think it will make life a little more bearable.=)

Some days

I recollect that Sam had this blog entry before titled "Some days". I really like that entry.

"Some days are harder than others.
Some days I can't even think.
Some days I can't eat or sleep.
Some days I can't leave my bed.
Some days I feel like giving up.
Some days are ok.
Some days I don't even cry.
Some days I don't miss you as much.
Some days I don't need to fake a smile.
Some days I almost feel happy again.
Some days I know I will be okay."

It really shows that as humans we all go through various emotions, various ups and downs. But, in the end, we will still somehow managed to say that " Hey, everything will be ok". You know, its such kind of stuff that somehow I think just give you just enough of courage to live on the next day. Actually from these words, I came up with another phrase or maybe I read it somewhere...lolz...oks oks most probably I read it somewhere. Its " there is a time for everything". It sounds a bit ridiculous because if one has a time for everything then why does people always seem to have not enough of time. Its true, but I think that for every minute and every second we can actually set aside time for things. I don't mean like your mundane stuff like eating or exercising( though I love both=P)...time for yourself to rest, time for yourself to grieve, time for yourself to complain and yes time for yourself to curse.

Just now, my mind was filled with muddy. And yes I know I am suppose to be like way over her le, or whatsoever....and don't ask me I have absolutely no idea why am I being bothered because of her. Maybe its due to my indecisiveness, in the sense that I can't decide whether a not I really am/should/shouldn't like her again. Ytd, we were talking over msn about some kind of unfavorable situation she caught herself in today(though I think its ok le), then she was rather vexed about it. I listened and didnt really want to tell her what to do( cuz its got to do with tht guy). So after that I just type "a pat on her head", then she said that somehow she felt much better because of that pat. Somehow, we always have such kind of conversations, be it over the phone or over the net, it always seems that I always solve things for her. Of course I know that cannot be the basis for anything to build upon...but well the human mind is complex to begin with ain't? Yeah there is a time for everything, and I know that onwards I don't want to bother with any more "what ifs" or "maybes", so since there is a beginning to these thoughts, there should be an end to these as well bah.

In any case, I don't think there is a particular theory regarding whether a not why 2 persons should ever be together. I think it just happens between 2 persons at a particular period of their lives. Maybe I am fortunate to be with someone, Maybe I am not that lucky but in any case, there is a whole lot of stuff in this world that is more important than wishful thinkings.

kamsahamnida

Went to this korean restaurant at amara hotel with muddy. It had the traditional bbq with all the side dishes combined. And the kimchi is really nice. On the table, when the staff came up, they kept lining the table with food that we were shocked by it. Oh and there is this side dish which was raw crab meat...with some spicy sauce, and boy was it good! We took awhile to finish the meats lo..haha..I wont say that its cheap but its definitely one of the best korean food around le, especially if you see korean expats in the restaurant. 


We went for a walk around marina bay area because there was this iLight Marina Bay event going on there. Took photos here and there, and climbed stairs like free...hah...she was rather high ytd though dunno why as well...there was no alcohol involved lo...haha. When ernest and mum called, she was like keep trying to say hi into my phone. Said want to come my house see my gundams...want to meet sam...rather uncharacteristic of her...but not that I am complaining...lol

Personal Taste

Info on the drama

Been real hooked on this k-drama recently, of course son ye-jin is a real charmer and she is real good at acting. Hah...and of course min-ho who is funny as well. Now, such romantic comedies always make me laughed because..well...simply its a comedy but being a korean show, there are definitely those freaking emo portions lor. But, sometimes their emo portions are really enlightening as well...so maybe if you have the time, you guys should catch it.

Recently, jian yang says that I put myself under to much pressure le, and that  I should just chillaz for the moment. Well, watching this show really made me laugh and relax, haha...People always says why we are always attracted to dramas is because it doesn't ever reflect what actually happens in reality. And its true, if not why are we hooked on them? Fantasies is  like sugar. To me, I think such shows which have both emo and funny portions are great to watch because I think no matter how cruel or real we know reality is, such fantasies give us hope, to have something to believe in...something like religion.

But like all k-dramas there are a lot of misunderstandings, which can be really irritating because they keep dragging stuff lor...lolz...Oh and there was some twist to the ending as well..but kinda like " My Fair Lady" better...maybe its because got lesser misunderstandings as well as not to draggy lor.

Nike Run 2010

Today went for the Nike run, luckily got no haze liao...so its was rather good. I will have to say the run this year aint as good as last year....in terms of goodies and the finisher items. But the route was a rather straight route unlike last year i think, so not bad there. Got two offers to join muddy or jo's group of friends, which luckily I didn't take up muddy's offer. Well, cuz its like her friends are in their own world...which is perfectly normal but felt a bit out of place....so didn't really want to hang around for too long...in any case also got to reach home by a certain time lor...

I think there are some sectors of the run, I definitely improved. Especially the mid way point portion...but just to think how to last till the 5km part without stopping...cui sia...well, I still wanna aim for my below 1 hr for 10km..haha...dunno when is it possible...haha

Negativity

Yesterday, went out with Jerrold to collect the Nike Race Pack 2010. Was rather disappointed with the pack this year, really cui ttm. Then went to OCBC building the burger king to mug. Well, tried to though eventually failed, cuz Jerrold was distracting me...haha..We shared a couple of things and I ended up asking a few questions about mental health to him. Well he studied psychology, so I got myself a free psychologist...haha

I was talking to him about my exam woes and stuff. Then we came upon a conclusion. And that I was rather very negative as a person. All along I always thought that it's just the exam stress and that I always thought to myself as a more positive person as compared to the past. But in actual sense, I didn't really change much. I put myself down when I didn't accomplished what I had set out to do. I thought by doing that I could push myself even more, but eventually its not the right way of pushing. Like Jerrold said, it should be a willingness from the person. Which got me thinking, am I pushing for something that is not what I want but more of what I believed that I should be going after. Let me give you an example, I want to drive. So I decided that I am going to drive a Ferrari, and I need to work extra hard to get the cash. But now, I realise that I just want to drive and that any normal car will do, without going thru the harsh process of attaining the cash. So, its along that line lor.

His suggestions were to listen to myself more and try to use the right words to talk to oneself. Lets see how lo..lol

Sometimes all it takes is just a choice of words....

Quotes

"fairytales don't exist. neither do miracles.
and i've completely lost hope in love that lasts. love exists. for awhile and then it moves on."

" What is love? love is when there is the right time and right feelings from both parties."

Both are from 2 different friends who are both at different points in their lives. I think there is no definite meaning to love. I always tried to understand what constitutes love, what should one do to be together with the other party...I had believed that there is a SOP for things, just like so many other things in life. Its like I am trying to find all the possible ingredients required for it to happened, only to find out that there is just too many ingredients to gather them all...like CAPM theory( if you take finance, you will know=P)...

 I kinda like the second quote, when it is the right time and the right feelings for things to happen, which is really true and to me, it provides some comfort as well as calm me down whenever I feel that why things happens in a way that is not favorable to me or  me ending up in disappointment.

I remembered myself saying something like the first quote before. Its usually after some kind of rejection or disappointment, and when I am bitter and things like that. Now, I am not saying that I totally disagree with the quote. On the contrary, I feel that there is a lot of truth in it. However, the quote made this whole idea of love to be so sad and dark...which I think it shouldn't be the case. So, do I believed in that quote? maybe. god knows man...haha

To the person who wrote the first quote:

I don't think you will ever read this but I just want to say that nothing is eternal in the world, there will always be rain and sunshine. What's most important is that one must have faith to ride out the storm and learn how to embrace the light that comes after it. 

Telepathy

I think many of you by now should have read the eulogies by the Lee family to their mum. There is this portion that struck me, it was the portion where Mrs Lee seemingly knew when her children are in need. I think telepathy does really exist, I don't think it as a supernatural thing or whatsoever. To me, telepathy is more like an instinct, is when you have spent a significant amount of time with this person as well as knowing a lot of this person, when telepathy really exist. It may even be as far-fetched as knowing something is wrong, a million miles away. During the prehistoric times, there is this particular group of dinosaurs that were able to communicate with each other using sonar, so it might be possible for other animals to somewhat achieve that as well but at a more subtle level. So maybe humans can also do it.

To me, I feel that everyone can do that as well...well to some extent that is. When I was younger, my mum knew I was in trouble for some reason that I can't remember, and I didnt even told her anything until she grilled me. At that time I thought someone might have told her, but I doubt so. Once, my heart felt uncomfortable, and I thought of my mum. Apparently that day, she suddenly fell sick or something. I think to me, the most telling signs were between me and sam. There was a period of time whenever She is sick, I also will be sick as well. And that I some what knew that she was in trouble or something even though we were like on different time zones then.

I came to a conclusion that when you are very close to someone, such things are quite possible, especially woman( with their sixth sense and stuff), cuz they are supposedly more in-tune with emotions. I feel that when one becomes more sensitive to feelings, surroundings and being calm. They are able to read others easily, just like why some meditation gurus or buddhist monks seems to be able to read people.

Maybe telepathy isn't so much about being psychic, its more about observance,gut feeling as well as a certain amount of love for that person and maybe experience also.

Sometimes, people said that kids and elderly are some how able to understand people well, like knowing when they are happy or sad. I think during the prime time of one's life, there is too many distractions that weaken our natural senses to some extent and that explains why when one is a kid or senior citizen, they are able to 'sense' things around them. So, age too plays a part i think.

Reality Check-ed

Just recently, MM Lee's wife just passed away on last saturday, around evening time. I am sure many of you have heard about it. It seems that this is the year where many of Singapore Founders have left us. I am sure that MM Lee will soon to as well...no one is immortal, no matter how great or how influential they are. Regardless how much we always complain about the old guard being slightly authoritarian and very restrictive about our rights and stuff like that, we cannot deny their contributions to this country. I think it is pretty much like our relationship like parents and children. Children will always complain and in some sense, dislike their parents for controlling and stuff like that. But once parents left them, then we began to feel sad, insecure and then realised that actually they ain't that bad that we had thought they were initially were. I think some of us will call this as "fan jian"...lol...

Me, being like the children, starts to be a bit concerned about singapore's future, for it means a new step into the unknown, the era where we have no MM Lee to rely upon. Of course, I am sure that our system that we had created is one that is suppose to be working without him. But that definitely does not erase the feeling of the "what ifs"...lol...I am not being pessimistic about singapore future, in fact I am rather bullish about it...its just maybe that the confidence will be weaken a bit or maybe should I put it that its about time our generation is going to take over?

I tend to be rather skeptical about things, so I am not sure whether we are zai enough to carry on...lolz..but I know a many of my peers whom I see as potential leaders in the future, be it in the private or public sectors. haha.....Have a slight sense of wanting to contribute to society creeping up in my mind...haha...and No, I dont see myself in politics, definitely not with my kind of character. Hmm...maybe more of I want to achieve something and as what we have seen, time is passing, no one is indefinite...

Recently, I have this feeling of " I want to show the world that I can be somebody", wonder whether its because of youth or because of being prideful...haha...sounds a bit crazy right? well hopefully this can spur me in studies as well as my quest about financial stuffs as well. I do know myself that I am very easily distracted in life...so we shall see...haha.

RawRRRR...

I think as one grows up, society throws us new ' must-do' behavior, its like the 'in-thing' to do and stuff like this. Like if you don't do this, then you suck or you lose some advantage in some way or another...maybe one doesn't have a choice at all when faced with this situation. But, to me there are some things I can't or to put it in a more neutral way, I cannot accept at the current moment.

" Is there really a need to be always drinking these few days?" " and drunk?...i know that you are able to hold your liquor well, to some extent, but...seriously..its quite worrying you know"

oks i let it out le...but aiyah wadever lah...i also in no position to say one shouldn't do this or not...maybe its the rules of the game...I dont really like the thought that these are the rules...i am quite against on why one should follow society rules when in the end, it doesn't make any sense...but like what I said, I am not in any position to comment on anything...

Just feel like blogging...

In recent times, I feel like somehow or rather time flies pretty fast...or should I put it, its like things are happening at such a pace that I can't seem to catch my breath. There are some things which I had no idea why am I feeling in such a manner, there are times when it just seems so unreal, there are times where I should be doing something but eventually ended up doing something else, there are times where I don't know why am I entertaining such thoughts, there are times where I stop to think and say.."hey, it wasn't like this in the past, what had happened?"

For an example, I went out with muddy yesterday. Well, I would say that it was pretty fun...lolz...dunno who else I know can turn a normal transaction of bubble tea into something utterly fun...haha...but seems like most of the time we were talking about rich dad poor dad, which is basically about finance if you guys are wondering. I never ever expected to even discuss about finance with her, not even in my wildest dreams...seriously...well I am not saying that it is not a good thing, but well it does seems strange to me. Oks, another note I want to put in here, is that I don't have the same kind of wanting to be together with her feeling unlike the past, but it does affect me greatly whenever she said that she treat me like a sibling that kind of thing...its really hit me hard. In any case, regarding the matter of whether to go after her again a not, I at the moment dont have such thoughts. Dont ask me why, but its just I don't really want to do it...so thats it. Yes we gotten closer, but my gut feeling says that I shouldn't do it...or its just not the time to do it....

On a side note,the rate at which she is progressing in her thirst for financial knowledge( the RDPD way)...is a bit freaking me out...because she sounds like just chiong for it...thats the best way ever...well it reminded me when I first read the book as well...I wonder she knows about the enormity of the stuff you have to do to apply his method. And she is trying to get me to accompany her on this journey, which I am rather skeptical of. However, if we look at it from another perspective, it might be a good thing after all. Because the 'doubtful' part of me may be stopping me from trying it out. Its just the same logic why youth tends to disregard certain things and have a larger risk appetite. Hence, currently I am representing the lot with the old group which always tries to say..."look, this is nonsense, it doesn't work"...but on hindsight, we haven't even tried it yet and we are saying that it doesn't work? so who knows?

Of course, there are other stuffs that I am concerned about as well....oh and may i highlight, the above example is not really a main issue...its just something that  I currently thinking, so don't need to infer from it too much...haha

On a random note, I feel kinda weird not to be bothered by BGR stuffs or not very much affected by BGR things...no irrationalities, no intimate feelings...haha so maybe at the moment, there really ain't anyone that can make me dong xin...haha...but in any case, girls will not feature prominently in my plans for the next year or so...lol...but you never know, as proven in 2006. well then, good nitez folks

SINGAPORE Formula 1 Grand Prix

Here are some of the pictures from SGP F1...the rest can be found on my facebook, so guys if you all want to check it out, do check with my fb account lor.=)

Its really an AWESOME experience, well and yes the cars too play a role as well but I am blessed to have such wonderful team mates as well...and the concerts were WAY WAY SUPERB!!!!Lambert was way cool...and of course that controversial kiss with his guitarist>.<...lolz and his music was UBER nice as usual...and mariah...well ITS MARIAH CAREY ppl!!!!...haha

Hopefully, I am still able to join them next year or at least to still be part of the action...although I didn't managed to go out and recover debris or something, but it was really fun and great to just be a part of the entire event...its way much fulfilling and better than APEC which I did the previous year...

SO A BIG THANK YOU TO SECTOR 6L!!!!!=)

FAQ

I think I need to answer some (maybe some of you are wondering) questions about why I chose this blogskin. haha. The colour layout is rather simple with like only 2 colours(gray and black). I think part of the reason why I chose such colour scheme was because it gives some kind of melancholic feel to it. Its not like I REALLY emo or anything but hmm it sort of ring a bell in my mind thats why I am attracted to it?...lol

Oh and if you ask me, why I chose tokyo. It was unintended, haha...kinda like the japanese words and the chinese words as well, so yeah lor...apparently its the tokyo international airport.. Oh and the entire layout feels simple and a bit sophisticated?...lol...easy to navigate and not so kiddish le...haha..another sign that I am growing up...lol

Restart

It has been some time since I last blog, I think a bit of writer's block. haha..actually maybe its cause of sian or whatever reason lor. Well so far, not much stuff actually happened nowadays, haha...I went to Pasir gudang, JB 3 weeks back. It was rather boring but I think the experience was rather useful as race weekend is coming like another week. And it will be like 4 days of wearing orange overalls at the Marina Bay Circuit. Hopefully, it will be a safe and exciting race, hope that the drivers don't do stupid things like crash on a straight track=.=...

Went to AHM again for the 10km run this year, I am definitely cui liao lor, unlike NSF times, where I can run 10km below an hour. But, running such runs always makes me feel more alive, more with the world..haha...Dont ask me why, folks. Its just like that...lolz...heard EXCITING news from kelly...haha..and it just happened like in a space of 2 weeks, and SHE CHANGED SO MUCH liao...haha...oks I was just joking...in case I kenna whack on the streets I also don't know. Eventually, she also attached liao...haha..so out of the 3 of us, I am the only one left...haha..and they predict that it would soon be my turn..somehow I think this prediction will be wrong...haha...well cuz I don't really have any target now and at the moment, no girl is able to make me go all out...or should I phrase it, the feelings are not there lor...haha..so girls(kel and ly) you got to wait a bit longer..haha

On a random note, I keep bumping into Sam and Paul...haha...ok, I know Singapore ain't that big, but its like I never ever bump into Pig or the rest this often...haha..wah sam so after now you are stalking me huh...haha..and somehow the recent 2 bumps is always me with different girls...haha...I assure you, its not what you all think...lol

School is starting next week le, and my 5 day study week. As some of you will know, this upcoming 2nd year will be the penultimate, the D-day, the real battle actually starts. This year will determine my grades, so its really do or die man. I don't really know whether how well or what the eventual grades will be, I only wish that I can really focus and at the same time, have the confidence that I can perform unlike the previous year. And it doesn't help that when one of your lecturers is considered the worst of the worst by the general student public=.=... well I can go on and on about how stressful and scary it may be, but to put it in a nutshell, I just got to do it, no two ways about it. =)

Results...

PBF: 61
Econs:61
Maths 1:70
Maths 2:73
Stats 1: 67
Stats 2: 31

Shag

Just got back home, and my mum ask me whether I am working tomorrow...I said no. Then she said, at least now I can relax as I had been running around. Which got me thinking about the past week. I been constantly going to TTSH as my grandpa was admitted to hospital. I brought my grandma back and fro, then when discharge I also brought them back...then work...RT...Natsu Matsuri...RT...going out...helped my uncle type out his resume...so yeah...kinda shag sia..thats pretty much my life for the past 2 weeks.

Last saturday, went to natsu matsuri for the second time le. Went with SP and end up joining jerrold, YS and other friends...not bad...was really fun..met zhenni as well( weird emotions again)...lol...then did really well with water yo-yos this time round..haha...enjoyed my dance with jerrold...lolz

Come to think of it...I am really tired...lolz...Nitez peeps then.=)

I have decided....this is the end to this chapter

Update on my Grandpa.

Well, luckily there is no stroke. Apparently there is some bleeding in the brain, most probably due to trauma which is usually caused by a fall. And he fractured his right wrist and his right leg now is rather weak...seems his body can't take the stress le. But overall, he is alright. Hoping the full report and the CT scan can be out by tml and the doctor can clear him to be discharge by thursday.

I think its both tiring for everyone of us including my grandma, when we had to bring her to the hospital every single day...For me, its rather sianz lor..cuz there is only so much we can talk then there will be some long periods of silence while I am reading my books. To some extent, its rather boring.

On a bright note, at least now I am reading my books which i had put off a long time le...lol

Different Stages of Life

Recently, my grandpa wasn't feeling well and apparently its rather bad, with vomiting and being able to walk at all. He fell twice when he stood up according to my grandma. Initially we thought was dengue as their area has seen a surge in dengue fever...apparently it wasn't when I followed them to Dr. Koh today.

We got a wheelchair from Jo yesterday, and we use it to transport him around because he can't even have the strength to walk even 10 steps( i counted) properly. It was the first time I am pushing a wheelchair, it's also the first time that I had to help my grandpa( I wasn't as close to him as my grandma)...it felt really weird when I held his elbow...its like if I exert too much force, he would break...he felt so brittle. Needless to say, my grandma was as her strong self...she took control of the situation, she carried him, she told him exactly what to do like how she use to tell me, she scolded him when he defied her 'orders'=P...haha...I felt a bit  at a lost at the whole situation...because I don't really know how to react. All I can do was to try to be there, because I also know my dad also not as strong as before le...dunno whether he would had over-exerted if he were to lift the wheelchair by himself. It feels really strange for me to be caught in this situation...but I think there is a first time for everything bah.

Today, I burned incense paper for the first time in my life because today is the 15th and that my dad had no time to do it as he had to changed and quickly head down to get my grandpa to ttsh. I never imagine myself doing these jobs before.

Anws, we went to Dr. koh this morning and I was the one pushing the wheelchair...it felt weird for me, I wonder how he felt...Dr. Koh said that he suffered a mild stroke and that caused his right leg to be real weak and thats why he can't stand up straight and move around like normal. Dr. koh said that its rather lucky that he is able to eat and that he seem to be alright.

It just struck me that my life is about to take another turn, and that I have to handle more of such issues..and that I had to take up more responsibilities( which is something that I also shunned in the past)...things have changed, I can't forever remain in my current state anymore.

And to think, I was concerned over relationship issues not too long ago...now those things seems to be rather insignificant now...I think this is what people meant, when you are in your early twenties. "Reality is never what we had thought it out to be".

Oh...and for u peeps who are reading this, I am not sad or anything...its just something that I want to blog about..so don't have to worry about me.=)

L4D2,25th Floor and Expectations

Yesterday, went out with zhenni for L4D2 and all. I would say that I was right in following my gut feeling and go and meet up with her. In the end, all the fears and worries that I have were unfounded and that I was right in certain things and yet I was mostly wrong in others as well. We didn't discuss on what had actually happened between us.Apparently, it seems that we were back to square one. To the day, where we first went out and the first time when we actually sat down and talk. Not that I am complaining. Initially I had thought that the problem she was facing was about us...but haha...I am not that significant to begin with bah.

She told me that she like a new guy and that she had sort of given up on the other guy which had been on her mind for a rather long time le( yes, i did feel a bit of jealousy, but its was very minimum..more of a like..haiz looks like another one kind lor) And the complications that arises because of it. We walked around her estate and talked about the problem. And like in the past, I was solving her issue...rather objectively if u ask me...haha...we managed to sort of solve it and to some extent contain it...

Realised that she is really very much like myself...a mirror image of what I am, like seriously...haha She also felt that I had changed to be more positive and at the same time more on a similar frequency as her, unlike in the past(according to her). I dun know about that, but I do know that I am trying my best to know her all over again...I used to always aim to be the ideal boyfriend candidate in front of her to the extent that I lost myself, my own true self.

If u guys ask me whether I still have feelings for her, I am also not so sure...lolz...I don't have those like want to 'physical contact' anymore, but to think logically, she is by far the ideal girlfriend that I would like to have..someone who is able to be on the same wavelength with me, and at times be playful...and somehow I still find her attractive still...dunno...( and sam, its not the legs=P)...

Will I go after her again? Dunno...since she likes someone else le...but we both parted with an open mind..." For all we know, we might be together eventually. Maybe we might even get married. On the other hand, we might not as well" She replied :" Yea, we might never know"

My gut feeling was that I don't want this relationship to sour...because I think we still have something special between us...maybe its the same feeling that I have with Sam in the past, the feeling that I don't want it to end just like this...but on the other hand, it might be that she is the one...lolz...god knows sia...haha

I am not hoping for anything from this anymore...actually  I don't really hope for r/s or anything like this le...its more like, if it happens then its good lor...I think its really no more use of me trying to force anything out of these things anymore. I use to think that I have to be persistent...well ya its kinda true, but if its a forced kind...then..well it aint natural anymore and like what happen to me, was that I lost myself and ended up trying to keep up with the image I had conjured up in front of her.

Then, what lies for the both of us? Currently, I don't think that both of us are not in the situation where there is a high chance for us to bring this r/s to anthr level. Deep down, inside of me I am also got a bit of don't want her to get along with the other guy...Maybe I am someone in her life that will always be there to solve her problems*shrugs* god knows. oh which brings me to this another point, is that I am always like one step ahead of her, thats why I seem to always understand what she is going thru, 2 years ago was like this and 2 years on its still the same...lol..but in any case, I now knew that we are not that far as I had previously envisioned after all.

Overall mood? Happy and relieved to a certain extent=)

Exchanges...What is your own Inner valuation?

Today went out and watch the movie " Taipei Exchanges". It features kway lun mei...one of my favourite Taiwanese actress because she has this youthful look though she is already in her late 20s/early 30s. And her innocent look is seriously OMG...haha

Anws, I won't go much into the movie because its those kind of arty-farty kind of show. So, to some people, the plot was rather sketchy or smthg. In any case, its centered about barter trade...lolz. On a lighter note, the film just emphasizes on the need for money...haha..cuz there were instances where two people cannot find a common thing to exchange.

There were some quotes made that was rather meaningful. There is this part where the director goes out onto the streets and interview people, on " what is the most valuable thing in life?"...There is this guy said about Innocence, what the guy meant was that as we grow up. We tend to follow what society wants, and hence we became complicated creatures. And he said that we tend to go against our own true feelings...tht sounds familiar...haha

There were a lot of other interesting things that was brought up by the director as well...or hindsight, it's nt really a super good show...maybe au revior taipei would be better?

Out of Control

Recently, I had been acting rather irrational if u ask me. I don't know why I reacted in a certain way anymore, there is no more logical basis for my actions. And i think thats rather scary. I am one who believes in control over oneself, but recently, I had been run on emotional auto-pilot.

The thoughts, feelings, actions were totally wrong and irrational....and at times impulsive. I think that I shouldn't have reacted in such a way to lei...thing is we were not also that close...like mentally or smthg...so yes it was weird, its like those times of physical attraction...I think to me bah...we had a lot of physical contact..but...well...I still don't really know much about her...

In any case. I sort of press the restart button regarding all such issues...I am going back to square one...I think I am afraid of myself of doing the wrong things...think its for the best.

Death vs Deaf

It sounds kinda weird why I am writing about death and at the same time about deaf. Though coincidentally, both of them sounds the same...interesting...hmm...in any case, we shall start on the topic of deaf first.

Yesterday, I was working when I had to served a TP whom is deaf. And in order to communicate with him, we had to write to each other on pieces of paper. What I noticed was that I had to actually vision what I wanted to write it out first in my head. And it sort of slow me down and made me to think more before I write or should I say express something. And it seems that only we 2 are in this small and slow world around. Hence, a question popped in my head was this, " Am I moving so fast without ever thinking about the next few steps?"

Now, I do know that are some things which I am involved now is definitely was due to some thinking. However, there are other things which I know definitely that I had just jumped in.And in some other ways, I kept on thinking about the final destination that I had never actually think about the specifics at some point...But in any case, I think its a good question to ponder about things...

Recently, seems that death is actually getting closer and closer to my world. I think that as we grow older, I think such issues will eventually rather personal. I think it reinforces the fact that life is unpredictable. There is no certainty in a this uncertain world. Then do we jump into things at the 1st opportunity and risk a probability of suffer? Or do we take a step back to consider and risk a probability of missing out the opportunity?....Interesting notion to think about again...lol

Feelings....emotions....do we follow the flow or do we go against it?

I think I should bang my head against the wall....=X

Ideal vs Reality

Although this sounds pretty demoralizing or in some ways emo, sadly the world is never what we hoped to be. First thing first, is to define what do we mean when we use the word "world". In this case, world will be the society and people that surrounds us, a world where we live in and how we view and experience. I am sure that as we all grow older, we all found out through some way or another that the world that we all hoped to be, in our own unique and quirky minds, will never be found in the world that we lived in. To some, there might not be much difference. To others, it might means a totally 180 degrees from our 'ideal world'.

Let me share with u all, what is my 'ideal world'. My ideal world is that by now I should either be in a long and steady relationship or I should have already an ex. I should be studying in a local university. I should be involve in hall activities, involve in orientation camps. I should be in an investment cca. I should be fit and passed my IPPT. I should be seriously into the concept of investing and trading. I should be able to keep my room neat and tidy. I should be able to think rationally. I shouldnt be feeling lost every now and then. I should be...

If I were to compare my current world with the above ideal world, I think I am rather far off where I had envision myself to be in the past. Of course, there are definitely some things which I had been able to achieve, to be able to move on from the past, to be a bit more sociable, to have a bit more faith in myself.

I remember sam telling me that I had somehow understand the meaning of 'change'. Now on hindsight, I don't think I had actually understood it. I don't mean that I don't fully comprehend it, but more of applying it. I still do have those niggling feelings when things weren't what it used to be. I sometimes cannot understand or accept some others' actions. Oks, maybe I should change the word to 'difference'. I cannot seem to understand that in this world, everything and everyone is different. Our ideal world and the real world are different.

Maybe I should try to empathize more with the real world and not try to blame it for not being similar to my ideal world. Maybe I should also throw away the notion of an ideal world, and start trying to accept the real world. However, I do know one thing is that I will always try to resist any conformity caused by the real world. Maybe its just me, but I am rather anti to people or society trying to impose their ways on me. I tend to question things lor.

Having said that, do we follow the world or do we do what we thinks its right?( note: we can be wrong)...

Some things in life are not so easily explainable.

Why does the market reacts in such a way? Why does the world spins from east to west and not the other way round? Why does a guy keep waiting for a girl, though he knows that there isn't any chance? Why 100 year old conflicts seemingly can never be solved?

I think thats wad give this world its flavor...

 South Africa World Cup 2010 Champions

Yesterday was the...or rather this morning was the end of the South Africa World Cup 2010. And eventually spain aka octopus paul was the winner. Its a rather shitty final if you ask me, the guys and me were cursing and swearing at ben's place that I think the dad almost chased us out=.='''

I would say that the dutch really did a good job at dirty play. And truth be told, the plan nearly works as the spainards were rattled and there were some 1 v 1 situations with casillias. Lol...but it wasn't a really good final though. The 3rd/4th placing was still much better, but I think that can be due to the pressure of winning the world cup.

In any case, its was quite fun to hang out at ben's place, because of the guys and we played a bit of poker and stuff like that...its wasnt as fun as the new year but it was ok lor.

The Matrix

"Why are you doing this?"

"Isn't this normal? that's what everyone is doing."

"You are weird."

Imagine hearing, seeing and being physically close to such people for a year...I think there are 3 possible scenarios. Either you conform with them or you will turn mad or you choose to be yourself. I think if its for me, I might and would have already conform but then again I wouldn't know, because I wasn't tested before. And I know myself that I hate to be stuck in a routine, to be in some kind of endless run is something that I never like. So I would never know. 

I think somehow this is a problem that people may faced in their lives, be it being the extreme or just a normal situation where a friend tries to coerce one into participating in a certain event. If we look at a macro point of view, its like society is trying to force u to be part of them and somehow if u are always immersed in the world, ultimately you will start to question yourself about what is right and what is wrong. I think its these kind of situation where anyone will definitely lose it...and start to wonder around what is truly right in these world...

I have to say that I have been thru these situations though it might be in the extreme point of view. I had a rather negative view as well as a rather fixed mindset and that if I don't do this way, then I am way abnormal in this society. And I thought that if people don't react in a certain manner, then they themselves are not reacting to my so called "socially correct ways". As you can see, the problem of trying to force someone into ur ideal world and as well as others doing the same....its actually very part of human nature. 

I think what made people stands out, is doing and believing in what you believe in, ur personal ideals and principals of life.You can say that this person is stubborn, anti-social or weird. But, I think its important to stand your ground...because I think it defines who you are.Of course, I think its really near impossible if everyone surrounding u are all saying that you are wrong or anything. 

Maybe I am the kind of person who have a slight tenancy to go against the flow, or rather if there is sufficient reasons to. Thats why I feel that one should always believe in themselves. In the past, I didn't and it sort of made me feel real helpless and useless at times. Having said that, I think it all comes down to one's resolve and strength. And how we achieve that varies from people to people.=)

Tour Guide

Yesterday was a...hmm...wonderful tour with auntie and we went for a 'tour' around the Marina Bay area. I would say that it had been a great night out=)...auntie was like a super enthu tourist...haha=)...its real fun out there...and we saw a new sight at MBS with a luxury buggy!!!lol...how cool is that?!

It has been a long time since we hang out this long and have H2H talk le...it really felt good...it's been so long sia...lolz...And as usual of me, I did ask about whether I have change from the past again...and duh of cuz I did...though I didnt seriously expected her to answer in such a way....but I think I have changed a certain mindset towards relationships or somewhat...but in any case, I don't think that I should be too bothered by it. Hmm....and how to put it, it seems that its one of the first time that I had ever take notice of auntie's feelings and reactions...and  I was trying to read it as well...maybe its the reversal of roles or it might be my customer service mindset...like seriously...hmm maybe I can sense her being really down...but hopefully she can find herself as soon as possible and be as happy just by being herself=) I think she has enough in her to pull through this bah...so Hwaiting!!!

Randomness

Well well...it has been some time since I last blog le...I think I gotten lost in the world of maple-ling and stuffs...actually its only maple bah...and just PURE utter nua-ing around...always wake up at 10 plus...and sleep around 1 am...omfg sia...

There has been many thoughts that has since pass through my mind, and I don't really know when to start from...lol...initially I started this blog to archive my thoughts, currently I feel like using blogging to engage others in certain topics. I think thats partly the reason why I had considered posting some stuffs besides finance on other topics on my alternate blog...however I haven't really gotten round doing it yet...but in any case, this blog will still be the place where my thoughts will always flow...and where there shouldn't be much restrictions...well...of course there are some situations where I have no choice but to cover certain stuffs up lor...

Recently, I read in the papers about Sumiko Tan ( one of the straits times columnist) that she is getting married at the age of 46. Don't get me wrong, I am no stalker or a huge fan of hers, its because her column is on the front page of Life and there is this entire page dedicated to her. After reading her article, well I was struck by how independent she is. She has a rather strong character that I think would definitely turn guys away from her...and when seeing how her fiance woo-ed her and all...whew...he is one zai fellow.

As I was reading the article, I chanced upon this portion that she said why she decided to agree to him and to be with him...its something about how when he took her on a ride on his motorcycle and how he always seems to adjust his position so that she can feel safer or something. And thats to her, one of the reasons why she decided to accept him. Now, this got me thinking...that sometimes one don't need an ultra big surprise or event to be with someone, though thats definitely play a part...and that maybe it's really all down to being urself. Just let the feelings flow bah.

Just some updates...

1. Bestie is back...had great fun meeting and chatting with her=) and had nice honeydew at her place...haha...
2. Still working at IRAS, kinda damn sianz of it le....but still got to stick to it
3. Going to Malaysia on the 20th to 23th of June
4. F1 training is getting more interesting but at the same time, just realised the danger that I am getting into=.=
5. Been Hardcore maple-ling the past week...
6. Just had a BBQ to celebrate pingu lee birthday...made new friends...not too bad...
7. Realised that ming lee is an otaku>.<
8. Knew of a 21 year old girl who is married to a 35 year old hubby. Girl name is Hui Min..lol...no Pig , it aint u=P
9. World Cup not feeling like a world cup...dunno why...
10. Won money thru sheer tyco-ness...

My Personality Type: The Groundbreaking Thinker

My Personality Type: The Groundbreaking Thinker

I am in a touchy mood now.....

On my own...

Today went to watch Ip Man 2 on my own at vivo, then after that went to kallang leisure park to check out the new mrt station lor...And boy, it is definitely one of the smallest mrt stations ever created I think O.0...then went to chill out at the coffee bean there and somemore it was raining...sia lah...emo dog sia...haha..anws below will be an excerpt that I wrote when I was there...its about an incident that happened on the way to kallang...

Just now, met a lady by the name,Patricia, who wondered how to get to Tanjong Pager from Habourfront. Since I was heading east-bound, I showed her the way and chatted with her a bit. Got to know that she is a christian and from a church somewhere in Joo Chiat. Reminds me a lot of eunice, as both of them want to intro me to their church. I think its high chance both of them are from the same church, since eunice's church also in joo chiat. In any case, patricia was going on about Jesus, that he is the true living god, and how he took upon all our sins on to himself..etc..etc. She also mentioned that after death, we have only 2 places to go to, either heaven or hell. And she said that as long as we embrace/accept God, then we will be accepted into Heaven, because our name are written on some kind of list or something( reminds me of some cartoons I used to watch when I was young). 


Does it mean that we embrace a religion so to ensure that in after life(something that is not certain), we will be able to go to heaven(ie. paradise) and not hell? To me, it sounds like the way we are going to live our life is so that we will be able to go to heaven. It sounds a bit weird to me, because firstly, its like because we care about ourselves as we want to be in heaven and thats the reason why we chose this religion. Secondly its like we will be chasing something that is not certain, and may I add, it's like not being true to oneself, sounds very much like the rat race problem that everyone is facing. 


I am not saying that all these are wrong or anything, if we think on a macro scale, it's definitely good for society as people will be compassionate and they will be more at peace with themselves. However, to me I feel that its a bit like conformity, so that we are able to attain our passports to heaven. Of course, I am sure that god has definitely helped many in their life problems and stuff and I respect people decision to be devoted to the religion...but if the main reason is just to get that passport, I think it's a bit wrong in that aspect. Confucius once said something on this to his student, " You do not even understand life, how can you understand death?". Hence, if one based his life's purpose due to something that is only obtainable in the after-life, I don't think thats a good way of living. 

I hoped that I don't sound very anti-christ or something...lolz...I know that there had been many interpretations of the bible out there in the way, and somehow one church may defer from another. As quoted in 07 Ghost, " There are many truths to something". So I think sometimes...no...usually its due to one's perceptions of things in life, so the above is just my perceptions of this topic lor...haha must put a disclaimer sia, because religion is again a very sensitive topic...hope never offend anyone or anything=)

Looking Around Us...

Today on my way back home from SMU( F1 training), I stumbled onto this very interesting pedestrian crossing. Its at a cross junction, and some people and me were waiting to cross the street...then I noticed the sign" Pedestrian crossing not operational from 9 am to 11 am and 5pm to 9pm ". Then I glanced on the road, then there were some words written on it" Not in operation from  9 am to 11 am and 5pm to 9pm"...I was like " zhun bo"...then I glanced at my watch( 5.25 pm)...by then 5 people including me have gathered there and waiting for the green man to become green. So after noticing the other traffic lights and noticing the trend of the traffic lights, I realised that this is indeed true, and decided to cross the road by another route. As I walked away, I heard one of the man telling his wife and kid in chinese " why it doesn't work?"..and I noticed the 2 ang moh tourists looking bewildered. I deliberated whether to enlighten them( the SG mindset of 'not my problem' was surfacing)...eventually I did. I told the man that it's after 5 pm le, so they couldn't cross. Then I was wondering whether the ang mohs will get the msg, so after 3 seconds of hesitation, I walked up to them and told them that the sign said that it is currently not operational...and they were like " Oh..no wonder"...lolz. As I crossed to the other side of the road, I noticed another group of people also waiting at the same point. I was thinking whether to shout out to them...but decided not to le...

Definitely this got me thinking, how come when there are obvious signs, why people can still overlook it and eventually tried to do the foolhardy thing like trying to cross the road though there is heavy traffic. It very much reflects how we approach things in life as well, there are obvious signs and yet due to the ' eh...isnt this to be a normal thing' mindset, we ignore the signs and decided to just do what is supposedly 'normal'.

Another point is that as humans, we have a tendency to only see ourselves only. Take from this example for instance, the signs were put up, the words were written on the road...how come no one noticed it? Does it mean that we just cross the road without looking at the road? The 2nd group I noticed were talking among themselves without noticing that they couldn't cross the road. Which brings me to a point that I read recently in a book about Confucius. There is something about "When eating , do not talk, just focus on eating". It sounds like something on table manners right?..lolz..But in actual fact, I interpret this as if one is doing something, one should focus on that thing and not try to multi task and be distracted by other stuff. I think this phrase is applicable to many situations, had the pedestrians sort of 'concentrate' on crossing, then they would have notice this weird traffic rule.

When you are at life's cross-roads, does one knows what and which path is best suited for him? and will he choose the best one?

F1 Training

Today, nearly late for the F1 Singapore Grand Prix 2010 training..cuz I was mistaken about the time...so in the end had to rush like siao...got kinda lost in the exit from Bras Basah MRT station and SMU basement...but eventually reached le. Oh and in case, any of you are wondering, I just joined the F1 Race Officials crew...apparently I was kinda lucky..cuz the trainers were saying that out of 3000 applicants, only 300 were chosen. Somemore, I was last minute got called up de...so seriously lucky...It sort of got my andrenaline pumping during the training, cuz of the magnitude of stuff that we had to perform. Like waving the flag at the correct time and for track marshals to clear debris from the track( which is actually kinda life- threatening)...and I am not really a fan of F1...I just want to be near to the action and see how things were operated...however most ppl there seems to be F1 fans..like seriously...lol

And we had to wear overalls(reminds me of my CBRE days)...then there was the numerous flags colours that we had to take note of , as well as the hand signals we had to learn...and of course the safety protocols lor...hopefully it will be a great experience...got quite a lot of learning on how to make split second decisions...and must learn how to siam if I see a flying F1 car O.O...lolz...and I even met someone I worked with at APEC last year...lolz...rather small world sia...haha

It will be a tiring 4 days sia..cuz had to report at 12 noon and can only zao at 11 pm plus plus...but the plus point is that we can watch the race for free....haha...and hope nothing crazily happens sia..rofl...

07 Ghost

I was introduced to 07-Ghost by my brother and zhenni. Its an anime rather similar to D-gray man, as it uses Christianity and a bit of Buddhism in its storyline. There is quite some action but not as much as bleach though. In  the anime, there is something that humans are given 3 dreams and that they told God what is it about. After accomplishing those 3 dreams, then they will be able to return to God and be reincarnated. Of course, when the humans are alive, they do not know what are their dreams are and that they will be searching for it. In that sense, thats the beauty of life.

Actually there was some sad parts in the anime, and it has a link to the above notions...I was rather shaken by it, but I forgotten on what to type about le...lolz=P

Wave After Wave...

Waves...We all love waves don' we? , ever since young, I am always fascinated with the ocean...I like to run on the beach with the waves crashing in...like to lie down near the ocean and let the water pull me back and push me up again...hear the waves crashing against the sands...This is rather akin to our emotional selves as well...

For example, if you all look back at the previous entries, I was rather stressed up and had a mini breakdown last week in between my papers. The emotions( doubt, fear, uncertainty) were like waves...when the human mind keeps thinking about it, scenarios kept replaying again and again...and just like the waves, it will keep pulling us back and pushing us forward...and once the scenario aka the wave is strong enough, we will be pulled so far that , we ended up floating away from the shore. And we will be lost....far far away from our shores...

Actually I think this is also rather similar to a lot of people in the rat race or just started to work. Initially, at first, I am sure many people will wish to get promoted or hopefully attained a high salary or to have a dream, goals to achieve...As time passes, we slowly and slowly start to settle in the routine of work, the routine of waking up early, work, sleep, wake up, work and sleep...slowly but surely we ended up like waves, which have the same routine of pulling us and pushing us...Eventually, we all end up furthur and furthur away from our shores(dreams). And this is something that can so easily happen to us, because we humans like all other creatures feel the safest in the environment that we are comfortable with( or should I say, what society is comfortable with)...I can feel it as recent as just now...I work on monday (8 to 5) then tuesday( 8 to 5)....and always at the end of the day, I am always tired and want to sleep...I can feel it within myself, my lazy side was like: so routine, so easy, everyday work lah...get money...work sleep work sleep and money comes in....but my other side popped out, and was like : what are you doing? aren't you like a hamster, keep running on the wheel....in other words, I feel that there is no aim or rather reason to work...except to earn money, which is definitely true but the million dollar question is for wad?

I think I have just re-discover my aim=)

Finally its over...

Today was the last paper, and I can tell ya...how relief I was when the invigilator said, " rows 36 onwards can leave now"...Actually it had been a roller coaster ride for these past 6 days for me...I had a mini nervous breakdown on tuesday night...after my PBF paper...coz I think its due to the uncertainty of exams..and the fact that they are squeezed everything into 3 days...somehow, luckily today econs paper was rather do-able...though just realised that I had a couple slightly wrong answers...but somehow  I had a good feeling over the paper...a bit like what I had for stats 1 on thurs... so hopefully will pass lor...but in anycase, I can't do anything about it liao lor...

Really want to thank sam, especially her for calling me all the way from UK!!..and I only just send her an email...but its really surprising and was kinda touched..and sort of spur me on to chiong one more chapter for PBF...although i thnk pbf didnt end up as what I expected, cuz I made a stupid calculation mistake( hope they got take into the method i use)...so sam, jia you as well for ur last few papers!!!=)

Seriously, this week hadn't been easy...but its over le..haha...time to do things that I want to do le...=)

I totally blew it for my maths 1...and thats suppose to be the paper that will give me my 1st class. The trump card in my battle plans for this year war. I made every mistake a commander can ever make. Over-confidence, doubts came in, unfamiliarity with scenarios...its was suppose to be rather easy...lost too much casualties in the 1st battle...totally demoralised and damn piss with myself after knowing the reasons and the obvious mistakes...

2nd battle was a much better battle...I feel that I did things right, though answers were a bit weird...but I am sure I had did enough...but in any case...I still feel very sianz over the 1st paper...was really pissed during the break, didnt want to talk to anyone and very mess up in the head...

Anws, the war is not over yet...

SNSD, Everything Korean and A call from down under

Well..I didnt really wanted to blog till after my exams. However, I think this is a good enough reason to blog. A blog is used for various purposes and for me, its to provide a reflection of my life...and in some ways, some means of communications between me and my closest friends. For the past 48 hrs(@#$%^& thats a lot of time), I was sort of lost, wonder is it the feeling of burn-out from studying or what or it might be the fear that I cannot do well in the exams( u knw? those sick feeling in the gut kind)....ie to say, I am damn sianz and just want to be aimless...or rather i am already aimless...

Oks, as all of you should have known, I am REALLY and SERIOUSLY crazy over So-Nyun-Shi-Dae(SNSD) and everything Korean for the matter. Like I also listen to "Big Bang", " After School", " Son Dam Bi","Super Junior", "DBSK", " 2PM"....etc except wonder girls and to think they came out with "NOBODY"...haha...And I think this recent craze into K-universe is definitely due to SNSD...started to watch their variety shows, listen to their songs...And just like SHE, I became quite a big fan of SNSD now...and just FYI, its not that they are sexy, chio or wadsoever...though thats one of the reasons(not the main one,mind you)...I think its really cuz they are always themselves or rather show a side of 'commoner' feeling in everything they do. All of the 9 girls have their own dorky moments and they are not afraid to show it, just like what SHE always do in the past and still doing...thats why they are still popular and thats what truly make me attracted to them a lot. Of course, these might be all of those celebrity 'concepts' which they use to bring in the crowds...but lets not dwell into that.

Just looking at SNSD schedule, its really crazy and they have put in LOTS of live performance recently at music shows and award shows plus they have their own solo commitments. Can see them getting tired as well...really cui..At the same time, I really admire them for their perseverance, and that they are working as hard as possible to be a great entertainer. Most of us know it is really tough and SM(their mangement) have a reputation for REALLY pushing their artistes, and people like Taeyeon still can do live , dj-ing and act in reality shows, seriously blew me off. And I am sure that all 9 of them really work hard to go thru the SM academy and cope with such a crazy schedule. Everytime, I think about these artistes, it sort of make me realise that I also should work hard...and keep my mind on the goal...even if there are many times, when self doubt creeps into our hearts and soul. I am also not very sure...but it sort of inspires me a little...

I think partly the korean society is also a pretty much competitive society, just like in Singapore...there the kids started going tuition at a SUPER young age and all...so that explains their culture as well.

Then just now, earlier when I was taking a nap( some time to think), my uncle from down under called. He wanted to speak to my mum of course, but since nobody was at home. Then we chatted for around 25 mins lor...I wasn't in a really chatty mode and I was kinda sianz...so I think I got show some sense of sian-ness. However, due to my work in customer service, I think I had developed some kind of fake self already, like those self that is ever ready to come out and answer things in a certain pre-determined way..and for some moments it came out just now. Of course , eventually it faded away...so I was like going on about how difficult to get an internship during my 1st year and how the systems in sg is going crazily difficult ( take a look at the scores of A and O levels)...he said " well, nothing in life is easy one"...You knw, we always hear such stuff, but like what i always said before, cliches are cliches  for a reason....We were talking about how mother has to work more nowadays and then he said that she can retire in another decade time, and that she can do investing. I told him that mother most probably is looking forward for her " Round the World" trip...lolz..and that she always say " Son, you should hurry up, come out and work" " Learn how to earn money then can sponser for my RTW trip. " ....Lol...I always brush it off but for some reason, I have a sudden urge to fulfill that dream for her...Maybe cuz its also my dream to see the world, maybe its the innate conscience to repay my parents for bringing us up or maybe I keep seeing her work over the weekends( though she does seems to be enjoying it)...I don't know.

As u all have observed, I am trying to push myself to go for this final stretch, this last 14 days...I have lots yet to be done...but...seems that I have to do it right?

So, I hope that for you guys who got a chance to read this, HWAITING!!! and do not give up...because " In life, there is no easy way out"=)

Just in case some of you don't know who is who=P

From left to right: Tiffany,Jessica,Sunny(most aegyo),Sooyoung(tallest), Yoona(korean guys fav.),Yuri, Taeyeon(My fav.),Hyoyeon(dancing pro),Seohyun(most cute)